The dagger is getting buried deeper and deeper into my chest. My legs give out and I stumble back, dropping onto the couch. “You think I would do that?”
He digs his thumbs into his eye sockets. “I don’t know.”
“How can you think that of me? Especially after you told me you loved me?” I say, my voice trembling.
“I do love you.”
I shake my head. “This is not love. Not when it comes with conditions.”
“Conditions?” He frowns.
A burst of annoyance thrums through my body, and I get the feeling back in my legs. I rise on my feet as high as I can tolook him in the eyes. “My parents only show me love when I’m dancing in things they approve of. You only show me love if you think I’m not pregnant. Their love for me should be unconditional.Yourlove should be unconditional. Is it?”
“Of course it is.”
“Why do I feel like it comes with a bunch of strings tied up into a messy knot?”
“My life is complicated.”
I cross my arms around my waist. “Youhave made your life complicated. It doesn’t have to be.”
Hayden lifts his palms into the air. “What do you want from me?”
“You shouldn’t have to ask.” A tear I’ve been struggling to hold back slips down my cheek.
“Alyssa…” He reaches for me.
I step back. If he touches me, I’m not sure if I can stay strong and not fall into his arms, taking whatever he can give me. I steel my spine. I’m tired of trying to prove I can be loved for just me. To my parents and now with Hayden.
“You should go,” I tell him. “I’ll let you know in two weeks if anything changes.”
Looking like he wants to say something, he hesitates for a beat. Whatever it was, he’s keeping it to himself. He turns, opens the door, and walks away.
And out of my life forever.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
HAYDEN
Three days later, I’m sitting in my kitchen, staring sightlessly into my coffee cup. I’ve looked at it for so long when I take a sip it’s stone cold. Pouring it down the sink, I place my hands on the counter and drop my head.
I can’t remember the last time I felt so miserable. I can’t eat or sleep. I’m fucking things up at work, and I’ve snapped at Lily for no reason, which, of course, makes me feel even worse. Without Alyssa in my life, I’m an unhappy bastard.
I have to remind myself that with time things will get better. This is best for both of us. I only wish I hadn’t hurt Alyssa. She can live out her dream career in London with no ties keeping her here, and I can continue on with my life. Soon I’ll be a distant memory to her. But my future looks bleak without her in it.
At the sound of someone knocking at the front door, I glance at the clock on the microwave. This is the time Lily usually has her private lesson. Since I canceled them all—in a text; I’m sucha coward—I’m not expecting anyone. When I told Lily there will be no more private lessons with Alyssa, she’d cried, stormed into her room, and slammed the door. She hasn’t talked to me in two days. I hate I had to do that to her. Hopefully, I can find another teacher she’ll love just as much.
As I leave the kitchen, Lily comes bounding down the stairs, dressed in her ballet costume.
“I’ll get it!” she sings.
“What are you doing dressed like that?” I ask. She doesn’t answer and opens the door.
My heart skyrockets to my throat. Alyssa is standing in the doorway, dressed all in black. Instead of looking depressing in the color, she’s like a ray of sunshine brightening up the room. God, she’s beautiful. I’ve missed her so much.
“What are you doing here?” The words come out harsher than I meant them to.
Her eyes widen at my tone. “You texted me asking for a lesson. If it’s not a good time, I can leave.” She turns away.