It can’t be easy having to live with this turmoil. I can’t stay seated a moment longer. Hayden is suffering. Rising from the couch, I go to him and wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. Holding my breath, I wait for him to pull away.
When he holds me tighter in the embrace, my breath releases in a relieved gush of air. With me standing in his arms, the reality of our relationship ending hits me hard. This may be the last time he holds me this way.
Hayden smooths his hand up and down my back. “Tell me about your news. Is it good?”
Pulling away, I step back and immediately miss his warmth. Any other time, I’d want to shout my news from the rooftops. Finally, I’ve gotten what I’ve dreamed of. With so much happening, the excitement hasn’t hit me yet.
“From the look on your face, it’s not good news. What is it? What’s wrong?” he asks with concern.
Plastering a smile on my face, I force cheer into my voice. “Nothing is wrong. It’s actually great. I’ve been cast as the lead in the musicalMoulin Rouge.”
Hayden’s eyes light up. “That’s amazing. Congratulations.”
“It’s in London.”
His shoulders slump. “Oh… Are you taking it?”
“This is what I’ve worked so hard for.” And yet, I didn’t confirm with Davey I was taking the part. There is so much to consider. But what is keeping me here? I’d be a fool not to take it.
He nods, nibbling on his bottom lip. There’s a part of me that wants him to beg me not to take it. To tell me he loves me too damn much to let me go. Promise he’ll move heaven and earth so we can be together. As the seconds pass by, he doesn’t say any of those things.
“When do you leave?” he asks.
My heart drops to my feet. He isn’t going to fight for me. Why would he? His life and family are here.
“It won’t be for a few months.”
“I’m happy for you. You deserve this. I know you’re going to smash it.” The somber tone doesn’t match his encouraging words. “What if you’re…” His gaze lands on my stomach. “…pregnant?”
Would I still be able to perform? How could I if I have a growing stomach? The costumes aren’t going to hide anything. I’m getting ahead of myself. “I’m not.”
“You said you won’t know for a couple of weeks.”
“It’s just a feeling.” Surely there’d be some signs by now. Harper complained about tender breasts and hated certain smells early into her pregnancy.
Hayden doesn’t look convinced. “Let me know as soon as you find out.”
Is this the man who once showered me with love and affection? The man who wanted to share his life with me? I blink back tears that sting the backs of my eyes. I won’t let him see how his words are shattering my heart.
“I will,” I reply.
He rocks on his heels like he’s unsure what to do or say next. Then he says, “I better go.”
It feels like he’s punched a fist in my chest and ripped out my heart. How is he so cold? He turns to leave. “Hayden,” I call.
He stops and turns around.
“What are you doing?”
He cocks an eyebrow. “What am I doing?”
I’m swallowing my pride and making him tell me what’s going on. I can’t live with the unknown. “To us. What are you doing to us? You told me you loved me. We were planning to tell Lily about our relationship. We make one mistake, and you can’t look at me anymore.”
Hayden’s head drops, and he scrubs his hands over his face. When he looks back at me, I see pain etched on his features. “With you going off to London, how will it work? I can’t follow you with Lily. Our place is in New York City.”
A dagger digs into my chest. “You pulling away from me started before my news about London. This is because we had unprotected sex. Does having a baby with me scare you so much?” If he loved me like he said he did, it shouldn’t be that way. This isn’t love.
“If you’re pregnant, what then? Do you hand it over to me while you’re working so far away?”