“No, wait! I’m surprised, that’s all. I never sent you a text.”
Turning back, she frowns. “You didn’t?” She pulls a phone from her pocket and looks at the screen. “It came through an hour ago.”
Next to me, Lily shuffles her feet. “I sent it.”
“That explains the smiling emoji.” Alyssa grins.
That smile is enough to make me want to drop to my knees. Pulling my attention away from her mouth, I focus on Lily. “Why did you do that? I told you we needed to cancel them.” I avoid looking at Alyssa because I’m such an asshole.
Lily tilts her chin. “I wanted my lesson.”
“You can’t take my phone and do whatever you want without asking me. I said no more private lessons.”
“You never said why,” she complains.
I can’t tell her the real reason, so I improvise. “Because you don’t need them anymore. You’ve caught up with the rest of the class.” I glance at Alyssa for confirmation, hoping it’s the truth. I hate canceling something Lily loves, but Alyssa being in my house every week when I can’t have her will kill me.
Alyssa nods her head. “You have improved so much, Lily. You should be proud of yourself.”
“I really can’t have any more private lessons?” Lily stares up at me with those wide, deep brown eyes that tug at my heart.
“Since Miss Alyssa is here, and if she doesn’t mind, you can have one more.”
A small smile lifts Alyssa’s lips. “I don’t mind.”
Is she missing me like I’m missing her? Is she as miserable as I am? Our eyes lock. It’s there—the longing, and the hurt I’ve caused. Damn it, why couldn’t things be different?
“I’ll let you two get to your lesson. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”
While Lily and Alyssa are upstairs, I pace the room, then I make my way upstairs only to stop halfway and come back down—twice. I brew coffee, only to leave it to cool on the coffee table, and pick up a book to read. The book could have been upside down and in German, and I wouldn’t have noticed; I don’t read a single word.
When the music stops, I toss the book aside and pick up the remote control and turn the TV on and pretend to watch whatever program is showing. Soft footsteps come down the stairs, and a moment later Alyssa and Lily enter the living room.
“We’re finished,” Alyssa says.
I flick my gaze to her then stare back at the TV. If I look at her longer, I might beg her not to leave. What good would that do? I can’t give her what she needs.
“Thanks for giving Lily the lesson.”
“No problem. I’ll see myself out.”
Shit. Whenever I push her away, I turn into the biggest asshole. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
She waves her hand to stop me. “That’s okay. I wouldn’t want to interrupt you watching the mating habits of lions.”
My head swivels toward the TV. On the screen are two lions getting it on. I dive for the remote and turn the TV off. There are only so many questions I can take from Lily. I’m not ready to explain about reproduction.
A ghost of a smile plays on Alyssa’s lips.
“Miss Alyssa, can you come to my open classroom at school on Thursday?” Lily asks, snapping my attention away from Alyssa’s mouth.
“Lily, that’s for parents,” I remind her.
“Daphne’s nanny is coming. Why can’t Miss Alyssa?”
Good argument. One I have to put a stop to. “Because Daphne’s nanny takes care of her like a parent.” Fuck…what a lame excuse.
“But I made a diorama of my ballet studio. We had to make one of something that makes us happy. Dancing makes me happy. I put Miss Alyssa in it too. I want her to see it.” She looks at Alyssa with pleading eyes. “Can you please come?”