Chapter Twenty-Two
Jake
They’re getting along exactly as well as I’ve always known they would.
From the moment I opened my front door to Darren and silently apologized for the conversation we had to postpone, Lucy has kept him smiling with the dry wit she got from me and the fearless warmth Michelle had in spades. He’s older than she is, and he knows his way around my home just fine, but they both understand that she has the upper hand, and she’s wielded it gently. As she’s led him from place to place, they’ve compared notes about bars and resorts, and they’ve taken inventory of the food and decided to make a boozy fruit punch, and they’ve laughed in between everything.
I had to walk away from them a while ago.
On any other day, I think I would’ve ended up filthy on the floor of my garage, working on whichever bike needed me most,but this afternoon I would’ve been reprimanded twice over for the trouble. Resigned, I made my way to the backyard under the pretense of cleaning an already clean grill or arranging chairs that required no such thing, but Darren and Lucy tumbled into the same space eventually, and I let them have it.
I’m in my bedroom now, and with the door to the balcony still open from when Darren had wandered out there this morning, I can hear the hum of the activity below. There will be so much more noise later, and a dozen more voices, but I’m already undone.
“I’m in love with him.”
It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud. There’s nobody around to hear it, and I think it’s better that way. If I practice a few times, maybe it won’t sound like an apology anymore.
There’s nothing to be sorry for, and I understand it on every logical level. Michelle would be happy for me. Even in the shadow of half-truths, Lucy already is. I’m aware now that Darren has been a couple of steps ahead of me, and I assume he’s only been worried that I’d never catch up. I have though, and I think I mostly want to apologize to myself for thinking I shouldn’t or couldn’t or wouldn’t.
I’m in love with him, and every beat of my heart reminds me of the things I stand to lose. Louder than that is the reminder of everything I have to gain, and instead of covering my ears to block out the sound, I shuffle to my dresser to roll a joint. I’m just about finished when I get a text.
We’re on our way. Get dressed or get ready for a couple of notso secret admirers
I roll my eyes at Beau—and the idea that Adrian would bother admiring anything of mine—before I respond.
I’m dressed. Darren and Lucy are here. See you soon.
Nobody else is expected for at least another hour, but after Beau blew up Darren’s phone earlier, I’m not surprised he’s eager to come over. Music pulses through the house, and I consider smoking as much as the next few minutes will allow, just to help dull the questions it carries with it.Does he want anyone else to know about us? Do I? Does he want to continue under the pretense of something more casual than it is? Do I? Does he want us to live together? Or get married someday? Do I?Sighing, I leave the joint unlit for now and clean up my mess before I head back downstairs, grabbing an extra stack of towels on my way.
Darren is just about to step inside when I step out, and his smile is uncertain enough to make me think he’s been hearing the same questions. There’s no time for answers, and we both keep walking, but I’m stopped by my daughter the second my arms are empty.
“Did you get the break you needed?” she asks, and I don’t quite play dumb, but my hesitation gives her time to go on. “Your worlds collided today. Sure, you knew it was about to happen, and maybe you still don’t want to admit that he’s one of your worlds, but there’s something between you two, and it was always going to be hard for you to let me see it.”
“What about you? Is it hard for you?”
Lucy scrunches her nose—a habit she’s had her wholelife—and glances around the backyard. “Before I pulled in here, I parked on the street about four houses down—where the Hansons used to live. It didn’t matter that I’ve been home a hundred times since mom died. Today was gonna be different. It’s why I almost didn’t come, and why I knew I had to.”
“You didn’t have—”
“I did. For you. For me. For her,” she argues. “So, I parked, and I reminded myself how much I want to meet Beau and Riley, and I rolled my eyes when I remembered how many times you’ve called Darren your friend, and I took a break until I stopped shaking about all of it.”
I struggle to swallow, then nod. “I’m not shaking.”
“Then I guess your break worked, too.”
There’s some commotion then, and we both look toward the house. Darren has let Beau and Adrian in, and it’s just the beginning of the fun that will last the next several hours, even Adrian loud enough to be heard from where Lucy and I stand. She’s delighted by the scene already, and there’s no reason for us to avoid joining in, so I pull her close while it’s still just the two of us and give her a quick kiss on the side of her head.
“He is,” I tell her.
“He is what?”
I pull away because I need space for the last few seconds I can have it, but I turn just as I reach for the back door. “One of myworlds.”
“I think this is the closest they’ve been so far,” Beau says, looking over the grill at the pool.
He doesn’t need to elaborate. I simply follow his gaze to where Darren and Drew are facing each other, only a volleyball net between them while they play a game with very few rules. Drew appears to be right-handed, and Darren’s a lefty, so the mirror effect is stunning, and Beau places a spicy sausage atop my bun as I shrug.
“Darren probably warned him to keep his distance, right?”