“Where is he now?”
“At his apartment. Viv gave him something to calm him down and is trying to get him to sleep a little. That usually helps. She’ll stay with him until her shift starts at the hospital at 11:30.” He winces. “Fuck, that new contractor is coming by around three. I already had to reschedule once.”
Since our business continues to grow, we’ve decided to put in an offer on an old warehouse next door that was put on the market a few weeks ago. It would make an excellent space for a second shipyard, but we need to get a local contractor to come up with a quote for a renovation before we present it to our bank and put in an offer. Sal always takes care of this side of the business since he’s the one who’s hands on with our production and the specific requirements. “But I need to be there when Kayden wakes up. Fuck!”
“Stay.” I squeeze his arm. “Stay, and I’ll go check on him. I have nothing important today.”
Sal stares at me, his eyes wet. “Caleb, I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t. I’m offering.”
“It’s just… It’s not easy to be around Kayden when he’s like this. Not even if you’re prepared. It never gets easy.” He shrugs apologetically. “I know you’ve been there for him all his life, but it’s not like a scraped knee or a chipped tooth.”
“I know. I know it’s not, Sal, but I want to. I promise you it’ll be fine. I’ll call you as soon as I’m there so you know he’s okay.”
Sal nods, then exhales shakily. “Okay. Okay. Thank you, Caleb.”
“Ofcourse.”
I let myself into Kayden’s apartment with Sal’s key. In the kitchen, I place a container with clam chowder, which is Kayden’s favorite soup, on the kitchen counter. It’s not like he’s sick or anything, but maybe he doesn’t want to leave his apartment later if he gets hungry. To be honest, I have no idea what to expect. Although I’ve heard of body dysphoria, I don’t actually know what it means to have an episode like Kayden’s had today. I assume it’s like a panic attack, but I’m not sure. I make a mental note to read up on it later when I’m home. I need to make sure I don’t unintentionally trigger an episode when I’m around him.
Kayden’s place is quiet, and the living room is bathed in golden sunlight as I move through it toward his bedroom. Everything is tidy: pillows carefully arranged on the couch, a couple of new plants placed around the spacious room, and a few paintings of the ocean now brightening up the light gray walls.
The door is slightly ajar when I reach his bedroom. I knock carefully twice. I hear him stirring inside, like he’s sitting up, before he speaks a muffled “Dad?”
I open the door and step inside. “No, K. It’s me, Caleb.”
“Oh,” he says, and a few seconds later, he flicks on a lamp on his bedside table, then blinks at me sleepily. “Come in.”
I step in tentatively. “Hey, how are you?”
He cards a hand through his unruly hair, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “I’ve been better.”
“Yeah, I can imagine. I… uhm…” I swallow, and Kayden tilts his head in that way he always does when he’s listening. “I hope it’s okay I came by. Your dad said it should be okay, but if you’d ra—”
“No, it’s fine.” He rubs his eyes, then smooths down his wavy hair. He looks paler than usual. Exhausted.
I nod, then move closer to the bed, and he pulls his legs up against his chest to make room for me. He’s wrapped in a blanket, his body almost disappearing in an oversized gray hoodie. He wraps his arms around his calves and rests his chin on his knees. He looks so small, so frail, his eyes swimming with defeat. An overwhelming feeling of protectiveness mixed with anger courses through me. I want to reach for him and pull him against me and keep him safe from all the shittiness in the world, but I don’t want to overstep either.
“Did you sleep?” I ask, sitting down on the bed.
He shakes his head, then peeks at me through his thick lashes. “Not really. I tried, but… I couldn’t.”
“Are you hungry?”
He shakeshis head.
“Okay. But if you get hungry later, I brought you some soup. It’s in the kitchen.”
He lifts his head, licking his lips. “What kind?”
I chuckle. “Clam chowder.”
His face brightens slightly. “Cynthia’s?”
I clutch my chest in mock horror. “Of course! What do you take me for? Anything else would be blasphemy.”
He smiles carefully at that, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Thanks, Caleb. That was really thoughtful.” His fingers toy with the blanket. Pink spreads across his cheeks, and he instantly looks more like himself.