For now.
Ryan’s weight settled on me as I fucked up into him. The feel of him was overwhelming. Stamina wasn’tsomething I usually had an issue with, but being with Ryan seemed to reduce me to the teenage boy I’d once been.
I’d never felt so right. My Shadow was in my arms, his breath hot against my neck. He moaned my name into my ear, his heat tight around my cock.
It was everything. He was everything.
I was in heaven.
But, once again, Hell decided to rear its ugly head.
What if he doesn’t pick you?
I couldn’t escape that thought. It caught me off guard. My hips stuttered as I stumbled slightly. The constricting pain in my chest made it difficult to draw breath.
Ry’s head snapped up from my shoulder. “Okay?”
“Yep,” I lied, trying desperately to force the thought away. But it refused to leave. It itched at my skin, drawing blood. Pain. “My arms are aching. Mind if I rest you on the counter again?”
“You need to lift more,” he teased, his expression adorably soft. “But yes, go for it. Anything so long as you keep fucking me like this.”
I took a steadying breath, pulling out every trick I had until Ry was writhing on the counter, my name a forbidden litany on his lips. I fucked him until he forgot there’d been a moment where I faltered. Until he couldn’t think of anything except the pleasure I was giving him.
But me? I couldn’t forget. I thought maybe I could, but I couldn’t.
Because, as much as I hoped otherwise, there was a chance he wouldn’t choose me. Choose us.
I had no idea what I’d do then.
I knew what I wouldn’t do though. I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t be walking away.
That was as much as I did know.
I was so in my head that Ryan’s orgasm caught me bysurprise. I changed my angle, hitting his prostate dead-on to prolong his release.
“Now you,” he panted, his cheeks flushed and pupils dilated. “Let go for me, love.”
I did as he asked, roaring his name as I came.
I collapsed on top of him, letting him pet my hair as he spoke languidly about how good it had been.
I was careful not to let a single tear hit his skin as I buried my fear down deep.
The fear refusedto stay buried.
It surfaced several times as we packed up the cabin. By the time we were in the car and driving back to reality, it was fully present once more. It lurked in the back seat, infecting the air I breathed.
Judging by the silence Ry had lapsed into, I wasn’t the only one affected. The pensive stares were back, along with the jaw stroking. The tension I’d fucked out of him now filled his body once more.
I couldn’t find the words to tell him it’d be okay. Not when I was suddenly so unsure it would be.
It has to be. He’s mine. Not hers.
I wished I could believe it.
Despite intentionally driving under the speed limit, the journey seemed to take no time at all. Every green light and empty motorway was a karmic ‘fuck you’ from the universe. It was denying me every last minute with the man I loved.
The day after tomorrow, he might sign his life over to someone else. If he did, I’d be back to waiting for him.