You’ve done it before. You cando it again.
I could. But I didn’t want to. Not with the taste of him still in my mouth. The sound of his voice ringing in my ears. The memory of how his body felt entwined with mine a mere few hours ago fresh in my mind.
And the sight of him. God, there were a thousand new images of him in my mind’s eye. Snapshots of every time my gaze had sought him out this week. I hadn’t realised what I’d been doing at the time, but I did now.
I was stocking up, building up my supplies, just in case Ryan decided to cut off the source.
My hands tightened on the steering wheel as we pulled up outside our flats. “Here we are,” I announced pointlessly.
Neither of us made any effort to move.
Ryan wasn’t looking out of the window now. He was staring at his hands, gripping his thighs so hard his knuckles were white. “What happens now?”
“That’s up to you. You know what I want. Question is, what do you want?”
“If I knew that, this would all be easy.”
I closed my eyes and exhaled. That was the only outward sign I gave that his words cleaved me in two. How could he not know we were meant to be together? It was so fucking obvious. How was Ryan not able to see it?
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I know that’s not the answer you want to hear.”
My pulse was hammering in my ears now as my temper climbed. I nodded stiffly, opening my eyes. “It’s not, but I’ll deal.”
He turned to study me. “Will you?”
No. Dealing with him rejecting me wasn’t something I could even consider, let alone do.
Ry sighed at my silence. “Thought so.”
I tugged at the neck of my T-shirt. Was it suddenly hotin here? It was definitely getting harder to breathe. “Maybe we should head up.”
The frigid night air didn’t help. The band around my chest tightened with every step towards our flats. By the time we reached our floor, I was gasping for oxygen.
“Are you okay?” Ry said, turning to me in alarm. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I waved him off, attempting a smile. I failed. “I’m good.”
“You’re not.” He dropped his luggage on the ground. A few steps and he was in front of me, pressing the back of his hand to my forehead. “You’re not burning up.”
“It’s not physical,” I said roughly.
“Oh.” Ry lowered his hand. “Fuck, I hate this. I hate that I’m hurting you.”
“Then don’t,” I whispered, staring at his beautiful face. The one I’d pictured during every sleepless night for over a decade. “Choose me, Shadow. Please.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but a door opening behind me had him holding back. Instead, he jerked his head towards his flat. “Let’s continue this inside.”
Burgeoning hope loosened the band on my chest, allowing me a few precious breaths. Maybe this wasn’t going to go how I thought. Perhaps I’d done enough to prove myself to Ryan. Not enough for him to fully trust me, but enough for him to give us a shot.
He strode into his living room and came to an abrupt stop. “Fuck.”
I stepped up to join him, frowning at the basket on his dining room table. “What is that?”
Ry didn’t answer. His hand moved woodenly towards the attached card. As his eyes skimmed the contents, the blood left his face.
“Shadow? What is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s from Kate,” he said dully, the hand holding the card falling limp to his side. “A pre-wedding gift to let me know she’s thinking of me. Xander must’ve brought it in.”