I had the distinctive feeling I was forgetting something as I stepped out of the truck. Even here, I couldn’t walk and had to make little hops.
“What did they vote for?” I asked, girding myself. I pulled Rend out, and he appeared next to me.
The meatball looked me up and down and gave me a giggle that seemed to say,What the hell are you wearing?He turned to the truck and tried to get himself in through the passenger door, but he couldn’t fit. Mongo screeched at him from the inside. Thejust-released dino was already in the back and had an entire bag of frozen chicken patties in his mouth.
“Mongo, no!” Donut shouted as Rend scuttled around toward the back of the truck. He’d still fit through the back door, but it was closed.
“We once had a dancer who would wear animal skins,” Dong said, looking me up and down. “Remember him, Splash?”
“Beast à la Mode,” Splash Zone said. “I remember. Died of E. and D. coli after they opened up that salad bar over at Bitches.”
“Oh yes, yes. That’s right. Quite sad,” Dong said. “We warned him. They had the lettuce too close to the stage.”
“Yeah, what is this?” Hedy asked. She tentatively touched my kangaroo leg. “Gotta say. This has just about ruined my lady boner for you, boss. I’m not into this role-play stuff.”
“Oh, I am,” Samantha said, rolling around me, snuffling. “Rawr. I love it when a man wears the skin of his vanquished enemies. Think we can get an ogre corpse for Louis to wear? Can you imagine how sexy that would be? Carl, when can I take your truck for a spin?”
“I think it looks sick,” Bigs added, sliming up to sniff at my feet. She left a trail of orange goo on the garage floor.
“It’s only temporary,” I said, getting frustrated. “Hedy, what did the audience choose for the upgrade vote?”
Behind me, Donut shrieked again. “Rend, how did you even get up here! Mongo, no more tater tots!”
The gremlin gave a little sigh. “Look at it this way. Princess Donut will be much more protected during the next race.”
Donut: I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING. WE SHOULD PROBABLY TELL BUCKET BOY NOT TO?—
“Dong! I saw Corcunda!” Bucket Boy shouted as he jumped out of the truck. “Pontiff was there, too!”
[ 23 ]
“Oh shit,”Splash Zone said. “Was it Corky or Porky?”
“MyCorcunda?” Dong asked. He dropped his ever-present crust sock and rushed up and grabbed Bucket Boy and started shaking him. “The right side? Are you sure?”
“It’s him,” Bucket Boy said. “Corky. He’s on another team. The one with the weird ladies. The announcement said they came in fifth place, so he’s in the garage two doors over with the five on it. They had him drugged, I think. I called out, but he didn’t wake. Pontiff was on a different team.”
“Goddamnit,” I muttered. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid. It wasn’t that I wanted to keep Dong from his friend, but now it was going to be a huge complication. With so much happening, it had never even occurred to me to tell Bucket Boy not to say anything. Stupid.
I tried to step back, and I stumbled. I had to do a little hop.
Dong was shooting rapid-fire questions at the Crocodilian.
“Who is Corcunda?” Samantha asked. She was still rolling in circles around me, deliberately rolling over the giant feet, which would cause her to bounce in the air. Each time, she shouted, “Speed bump!” and made an explosion noise with her mouth when she landed.
Dong rushed over to the chain of the now-closed garage door and started to pull on it.
“Dong, wait,” I called.
“I shall not wait,” Dong shouted as the garage door started to rise. “Would you wait, Carl, if you knew the most beautiful man to have ever lived, your best friend of all eternity, your partner, your most loyal steed, was right there on the other side? And it sounds like he needs me. I have been waiting for much too long, and I shall wait no more!”
“Steed?” Hedy asked. “What the hells does that mean?”
“Most beautiful man to have ever lived?” Samantha asked, zipping toward the open garage door. “I wanna see this guy, too.” Before I could protest further, she was already outside. Bigs slimed after her, shouting.
“Carl, we better go out there,” Donut said, leaping from the truck and onto my shoulder. “If he gets into that other garage, those ladies might try to hurt him.”
It was true. The safe room rules didn’t apply to garages. But they’d have to first get in there.