Hope filled me, but it burst just as quickly. “How would I explain that to him? It’s probably better if I just don’t go.” Maybe not better, but it was easier. And that felt really crappy, like I was taking the easy way out. But it was easier for everyone, not just me.
“I have another idea,” Liam said cautiously. “Something I’ve been thinking about for a while. You know how Beth can find anything on the internet, right?”
My heart raced, anticipating his next words. “Yeah?”
“What if we have her look into Brian? I know it’s too late for what he did to you, but maybe she can find something else to incriminate him.”
Yeah, it’s not like I hadn’t thought of it before. I’d thought about it ever since I saw what Beth could do when she helped Juliette. But then I thought about all the conversations I’d have to have. All the confessions and secrets and shame and blame, and even though I knew it was the right thing to do, I just couldn’t. And even though he meant well, now I really hated that I had to admit to Liam that I was so weak I was letting Brian getaway with everything. “I...I don’t know. I just want to move on, not stir everything up.”
He tightened his arm around me. “It’s okay. You can think about it, and we have time to think about graduation, too. Want me to make you breakfast?”
Ididn’thave time. Tyler was selling my ticket. Giving up on me. But there was nothing I could do about it now, or at least nothing I was willing to commit to doing now, so I tried to push it away. “I’m not hungry yet, but I’ll take a coffee.”
“You got it. I’ll get it started.” He kissed me and stood, pausing in the doorway to look back at me. “You look good in my bed, Firefly.”
“I’m ready to kick ass.”
Liam looked up from his game of tug-of-war and his eyes raked over me. Thor growled at him to continue, but Liam kept his eyes on me, an appreciative glimmer making my heart sing. I’d changed into a workout outfit—black leggings and a fitted, pink tank top—after our leisurely morning sipping coffee on the deck, and it looked like he liked it.
“Whose ass?”
“Yours today. Tomorrow, who knows? Whoever deserves it.”
“Fuck, yeah. Anyone messes with you, they’ll regret it.”
I balled my fists and hopped into a defensive stance, Rocky style.
“You’re a killer.”
I punched the air, playing along. Pumping myself up.
After wasting years cowering in fear, I’d swung so far to the opposite extreme, pretending the world was safe. I’d been lucky to scrape by this long living in denial. Now that I could no longer hide behind that illusion, was it possible to believe I could takecontrol and help make my world safer? And more than just believing it, was I capable of actually doing it?
I wasn’t sure, but it was worth a try. Living in fear sucked, and I’d learned my lesson about ignoring it. I was trying really hard not to think too much about how close I’d let a possible rapist get to me. Close enough to touch me. A shiver ran through me at the memory of Snake Eye’s hand on my arm in the stacks.
Liam’s thick eyebrows drew down in concern. Damn, of course he saw that.
I didn’t want his concern, though. I was ready to embrace Jenna 3.0. Jenna who faced fear head on. Who learned to fight for herself. Who shared a bed with her boyfriend without fear. Hell yeah.
“Come and get me,” I taunted, trying to distract him.
Liam stood, all six foot five of bulging muscle, with a glint in his eye. “Uh uh, Firefly. You can’t tempt me like that and then fight me off. First, it’s just me and you, and I’m going to kiss the hell out of you. Okay?”
I nodded and he snaked a hand out, catching me around the waist. “You look real good, Jenna. Especially the fire in your eyes.” Then he crashed his lips onto mine and devoured me.
After a long, scorching kiss, we finally got to our self-defense lesson. He pushed me hard, but I got away, again and again. By the time we stopped, I was out of breath and my limbs were shaking, not from fear, but from exertion.
Liam rubbed my arms. “I’m sorry, I should have stopped sooner. I don’t want you to be sore.”
I tried to read the worry in his eyes to see if he was concerned about me in general, me in bed later, or me having to fight for real soon, but he quickly blanked his expression.
Did that mean it was the third option? I didn’t like that. “How about we go in the hot tub to loosen up?” I tried to waggle my eyebrows but broke out laughing, and Liam joined me. Hesobered quickly, his eyebrows drawing down, his eyes intense and questioning. Probably trying to figure out if this Jenna 3.0 was real or not. That made two of us. Fake it ’til you make it, right?
He cradled my cheek and tilted my face up, like he was trying to look straight into my soul. “You good, Firefly?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Promise.”
A short while later, clad in my little pink bikini, I followed Liam into the hot tub, and sank neck deep in the middle for a long moment while I worked up the courage to sit on his lap. We’d already had sex. He’d touched me everywhere—well almost everywhere; my clit was still off-limits—and I’d touched him everywhere. I hadn’t sat on his lap yet, though. It shouldn’t be a big deal. It should be wonderful. His arms around me, the hot water bubbling around us…I wanted to want it. If I did it anyway, despite the chills crawling up my spine, would it be okay? If his penis poked me from behind, would I be okay? Once I leaned into the crook of his shoulder, and his thick, callused hands touched me, would he take me back to how I felt with him before yesterday, before this nightmare exploded? Or would it take meback, back? I hated the trepidation I felt. Giving in to it felt like defeat. But if I ignored it…