“C’mere.” He crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles and the veins in his forearms bulging, belying the calmness of his voice and denying me access to his lap. He tilted his head to the seat beside him. “Sit next to me.” It was a gentle command, but a command nonetheless.
I sat next to him, feeling small and weak.
“Lean back,” he coaxed. “Let the hot water and jets relax you. You’re doing so good, Firefly. You’ve been so strong and so brave. Let it go now. You don’t have to do anything else.”
I let his smooth voice wash over me. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. I knew he wouldn’t touch me. “I’m sorry. I?—”
“You have nothing to apologize for. I don’t want or expect anything other than you here with me.”
I looked up at him. “When I suggested the hot tub, I was thinking about more.”
“I know. But you’re not ready for it now, so we’re not doing it. There’s no rush. We'll have a lifetime to do all kinds of things in the hot tub and everywhere else. It’s been a tough day. Give yourself some grace.”
“I’m just…disappointed. I felt like I was making progress, and now it feels like I'm right back where I’ve always been.”
He slowly tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his eyes warm and tender. “It doesn’t feel right, hearing you talk about making progress,” he said quietly. “It makes it sound like there’s some finish line you have to reach, like there’s a chance you could fall short. But there isn’t. There’s no deadline, no way to fail. There’s also nothing wrong with you that you need to progress from,” he continued, his voice softening even more. “You became who you needed to be to survive, and you did a damn good job of it. You’ve always been incredible exactly as you are.
“Then I came crashing into your life, and now, when we’ve barely even begun, we’re in the middle of this shitstorm. It probably feels like you’ve been pushed out of the nest before you were ready to fly, but you’re doing amazing, and we’ll figure it out together. There’s no pressure, no rush. No expectations. It’s my absolute honor to be here, holding your hand as you grow into yourself and into our relationship, whatever that may look like.”
My heart pounded and a giggle burst out of me. My God, he was amazing. “You mean pushed out of the egg.”
He cocked his head, looking adorably confused. “What?”
“Fireflies don’t live in nests.”
A smile lit up his handsome face. “That’s right, Firefly. You might still be growing your wings, but you’ve always had your light.”
I beamed back at him. It wasn’t bioluminescence, but something was burning bright and warm in my chest. And it felt really, really good.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Jenna
“Please?”
“No.”
I stepped as close to him as I dared at work and blinked up at him. “I wouldn’t need coffee if you hadn’t kept me up last night.”
He grazed his lips over my temple and whispered, “I woke you up early this morning too, and you didn’t seem to mind.”
Tingles shot down my spine, straight to my core. “You want me to be awake enough for a repeat later?”
He smirked at me. “I’m not too worried about that.” But then his smile faded. “I don’t want to take any chances. I’m not leaving you.”
“I hate being at his mercy,” I whispered, my voice tight with frustration. “What if we don’t find him? What if my guy is just a random creepy-looking dude and your guy was just sitting on a bench, and the rape was unrelated? What if I hide in fear forever waiting for a figment of our overactive imaginations to show his nonexistent face?”
“It won’t be forever. We’ll get answers soon. Please be patient and let me keep you safe.”
Answers weren’t coming that soon. Beth said the guy was good at evading cameras, but she assured us she was still working on it. We’d confirmed the guy in the park and Snake Eyes were wearing the same type of hat, and we’d tracked it down to a construction supply company in Austin, but they said they’d been giving those hats away for years. Anyone from an employee to a contractor to a kid who came into the store could have one. She didn’t have any better luck with the police records either. Apparently, Addams was as inept as Liam had said, and he still hadn’t inputted everything into the computer, leaving Beth and us in the dark.
I just nodded and forced a smile. If I said anything, he’d know how close I was to falling apart. Sometimes it was easy to pretend we were just enjoying this time together. Then, I’d remember how close I was to my worst nightmare coming true. It sucked that it coincided with my greatest dream also coming true. I didn’t want to need Liam’s protection. I didn’t want him to see me fall apart.
“Firefly,” he murmured, obviously seeing everything I didn’t want him to.
I shook my head and tried to walk by him. “I need to get back out there. The crochet club is about to let out, and there’s usually kids with them that come here after.”
He grabbed my hand before I could pass. “The coffee means that much to you?”