His cold, distant voice pierced my heart. Even worse, he didn’t call me Jen Jen. He always called me Jen Jen.
“How are you?” I asked with way too much enthusiasm. “It sounds like you’re out? What are you doing so early?”
“Study group in the library.”
“That’s good!”
“Sure.” At least he’d started out polite, even it had been indifferent. Now his voice dripped with disdain.
I joked anyway, refusing to accept what was painfully obvious. “So you thought that as long as you were up early on a Sunday, you might as well wake me too?”
“Ha. Yeah.” Well, my attempt at lightening the mood fell flat. “Listen,” he said, pausing to clear his throat. “Uh, someone asked if they can buy a grad ticket from me. I just wanted to check again if you were going to come or not.”
My stomach rose into my throat, and I had to swallow hard before I could answer. Liam put his hand on my knee, heavy and warm and grounding. I felt his eyes on me, but I knew if I looked at him, I’d cry, so I didn’t. “I’m so sorry, Ty. I really can’t.” Somehow, I managed to get the words out without choking on them.
“No problem,” he said flippantly, but I heard his disappointment. “I figured. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of people who want to come.”
Brian. He thought Brian wanted to go and I didn’t. “Tyler…”
“Gotta run.”
He hung up before I could cobble together an excuse. Or beg for his forgiveness—and his love. Tears burned the back of my eyes, and I tried futilely to blink them away.
Liam sat up next to me and raised his arm, inviting me in. I scooched closer and collapsed into him.
“I don’t know what to do. We’ve stayed close all these years, but I feel like I’m losing him now, and it’ll never be the same again.”
“I have a few ideas.” He held up his thumb, starting a list. “I kill Brian.” He raised his index finger. “I seriously maim him. He can’t come if he’s in the hospital.” Another finger. “I abduct him and lock him up for as long as you want to stay.” Another finger raised. “I have him arrested.” Just his pinky was left. He hesitated, thinking. “Or any combination. I like abduct and torture. And then you get to go to your brother’s graduation in peace.”
Liam sounded way too eager about all those options. I couldn’t help but laugh, although it came out somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
I’d never let him get in trouble when it was years too late to make any difference, but it made me feel warm and gooey that he wanted to. “The laws aren’t in my favor for him to be arrested, and the rest sound tempting, but no.”
“What if I went with you? I’ll behave, but any of those are still on the table if he gives me reason.” He saidbehavelike it was a dirty word, making me smile despite everything.
I sighed, the weight of the decision heavy on my heart. “When I was thirteen, I begged my parents to celebrate Christmas with just our family. They said no.The more the merrier,my mom said, and she laughed at her joke, and they never even asked me why I wanted that, or why I cared so much. I made a promise to myself that day that once I was an adult and was in control of my own life, I would never see him again. I’ve mostly kept that promise so far, but is it worth breaking it to go to Tyler’s graduation?”
“Would thirteen-year-old Jenna be so happy to have a sexy, soldier boyfriend to be her bodyguard that she’d grant a temporary exoneration from that promise?”
“No, thirteen-year-old Jenna was scared of boys.”
Liam pressed a long kiss against my temple. Holding me close, he murmured, “I wish I knew you then, Firefly. I wish I could’ve protected you.”
“I wasn’t ready for you then, but I’m so glad I have you now.”
“What do you want to do? How can we honor your promise to yourself, and also give you what you want for Tyler?”
I shrugged. I couldn’t see any way to have both. But hearing the hurt in Ty’s voice...like he was giving up on me...that hurt bad. I’d felt strong for staying away, but now it felt like weakness. I didn’t want to let my fear win. Or even worse, for Brian to win. If I went, there was a chance Brian wouldn’t be there anyway, and even if he was, what was the worst that would happen? “Maybe I’ll just suck it up and deal with possibly seeing Brian. I can’t abandon Tyler, not if it matters this much to him.”
Liam bristled, his arm tightening around me. “First of all, if you go, you are not justsucking it up.If you go, it’s becauseyou’vemade a decision that being there is important to you. That’s your choice, and making your choice gives you the power,” he said firmly. “You’re also going to have me by your side every second, and if that asshole even looks at you, he’s going to regret it. Furthermore, even if I wasn’t there, you are so much stronger than you were, and I have no doubt you’d be okay with or without me.
“Second, if you choose not to go, that is not abandoning Tyler. You can be there for him in any way that works for you. You can invite him here. We can visit him privately before or after graduation. We can take him on a celebratory vacation after graduation.
“It’syourchoice, Jenna. You are not at anyone’s mercy, and you never will be again. You can do anything that feels right to you. And whatever you choose, I will be right by your side.”
Something warm and soft fluttered in my chest, and I wished I could just relax into his words—luxuriate in feeling so seen, but it didn’t change the fact that I still had to make this decision. Liam’s understanding didn’t help the way Tyler would see it. “I’m not afraid to see him, not really. We’re both adults now. I’m sure nothing would happen. Especially with you there. But I want to keep the promise I made to thirteen-year-old me. It feels like I’ll be letting myself down if I go.”
“I want to take care of every part of you, including thirteen-year-old you. And I want you to take care of yourself, too. How about if we go for Tyler’s graduation, but meet up with him privately and watch him graduate from the back of the room? Only he will even know we’re there.”