“You mean like when you were staring at my tits after class?” I ask and he chuckles.
“I was definitely distracted,” he says simply.
“Aw. That’s all I get?” I ask as I pull away.
“Go take a shower and we can talk more, okay?”
“Okay!”
I leave Keith and go to the bathroom. I get the shower started before finding all of the items that he told me about. By the time I get done, the water is scalding hot. I strip off my secondhand clothes and step into the shower.
The first thing I do is wash my hair. It’s the simplest thing right now. When I get done, I grab a washcloth and soap, then proceed to try and peel my own skin off with how hard I’m scrubbing. The vanilla and citrus scented soap overwhelms my senses, and it brings a calm over me. When I am able to recognize my neurotic behaviorwith scrubbing, I take a long deep breath and set the washcloth down.
I give myself a few moments of just silence and peace. When I feel like I am in a better headspace, I pick the washcloth back up. This time I am able to clean my body without trying to cause an injury. I successfully keep the thought of Keith out of my mind. I know if I think about him, it will only lead to me getting myself off. I want nothing more in this world right now than to have that man inside of me. The fact that he hasn’t said he would not want to makes me want it more.
When I get out, I realize that Keith gave me a T-shirt but I don’t have underwear. These scrub pants are ridiculously uncomfortable. The thought of me having my bare ass on his sheets, does something to my brain. I wonder how he would feel if I touched myself in his bed?
I dry my hair and put the T-shirt on. It hangs just above my knees. When I get to the room, I decide that I will throw caution into the wind and let myself act on what I’m desperately wanting. Keith tells me that it’s normal for me to want this and it’s normal for me to act on it, so I’m going to act on it.
I take his T-shirt off before crawling into his bed and pulling the blanket up around my shoulders. It’s a little chilly in the room, but under these covers, it’s like heaven. I’m surrounded by his scent and it’s fucking erotic.
“Hey Keith,” I call out. A few seconds later, he opens the bedroom door.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
“I really, really don’t wanna be alone. Will you stay with me?” I ask.
“Of course,” he says with a soft smile. “Getting sleepy?” Keith walks to the other side of the bed and I smile.
“No,” I say. When he pulls the covers back and sees that I am naked, he freezes but looks at my body with hungry eyes.
"I'm only doing what feels right, right now and I just want to forget. Can you help me forget?" I ask.
“Have you thought this through?” he asks, bringing his eyes up to meet mine.
“Damn near touched myself thinking about it,” I say and he laughs.
“There are a few things you need to know first,” he says as he grabs the inside of my thigh with one hand before pulling me closer to him. I giggle and let him sit me up. He stands between my legs and keeps his hands on my upper thighs.
“You don’t have herpes or something do you?” I ask.
“No,” he laughs. “But I am pierced and there’s a high likelihood that I could hurt you.”
“First of all, fuck yes,” I say and he laughs. “Second, I really hope you can live up to the hype that you are giving out right now.”
“I will do my best to make you comfortable but understand that no matter the circumstances, you will be uncomfortable for a second.”
“A second as in that’s all you’ll last or a second and I’ll get used to it?” I ask with a smirk.
“You’ll get used to it,” he says.
“What kind of piercing?”
“It’s a Jacob’s ladder,” he tells me.
“I think I can handle a little discomfort,” I say. “Unless you are stalling because you don’t want to? I suppose it’s possible I could’ve misread the signs.”
“Oh, I do. I just really don’t wanna hurt you. Also, as much as it might be normal to become triggered when having sex after an assault, I really don’t want to be the one to trigger you. I don’t think I want to hear you be afraid of me again.”