I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to stand here in abject misery and let the wind sweep me into the gnashing sea. My next sip warmed my throat. The one after that made the grass go a tiny bit hazy.
Ruairi nudged me with his elbow. “Yer to shift the Canny’s cottage.”
The only thing I’d be shifting today was more puítin. “That’s Monday.”
“ItisMonday.”
That couldn’t be right. Today was only Sunday.
I couldn’t shift a cottage in this state.Surprise, surprise. I was going to let my people downagain. I flopped onto the ground, willing the blight to take me away from this forsaken place. A rock jabbed my arse and another poked my spine. Why the hell was the sun so feckin’ bright? Why were there never any clouds in the sky? If I asked nicely, would the land open up and swallow me whole?
The toe of Ruairi’s boot jabbed my ribs. “Get up.”
“Leave me be.” Right here seemed as good a place as any to sleep off the alcohol swimming in my gut. At least it was quiet.
Ruairi squatted next to me, pity written all over his face. “I’ve followed ye fer centuries, Tadhg. But I’ll not follow ye down this road again. Ye have a good woman and a son who both need ye. No more drink.” He tried to pluck the flask from my hand, but I wouldn’t let him.
He couldn’t take away the only constant in my life. The companion that had brought me through more trials and tribulations than one could count. If Keelynn left me—who was I kidding? This wasn’t a matter ofifbutwhen. Who wanted to go through life with a broken man? Fiadh had crushed my spirit and my soul, and what was worse—I’d let her. So here I was, the happiest I’d ever been, only to have that stolen from me too.
But of course, my best mate had to be a strong fecker who knew I was ticklish beneath the arms and used that knowledge against me.
The flask slipped from my grasp, but it didn’t matter. As soon as his attention shifted elsewhere, I’d find something else to drink. It was better to sink to the bottom of a sea of alcohol than to waste my days swimming toward a surface that didn’t exist.
27
RÍAN
The daywe’d been dreading for months had arrived. The blight had finally reached the castle. Almost as if the moment Aveen’s body had crumpled to the ground, all the life in this place had been snuffed out as well.
Do you still love her?
Days later, that question still haunted me.
I’d spent last night in Hollowshade, sitting on the hillside watching smoke puff from Aveen’s chimney, trying to drum up the nerve to go inside and explain how I felt. The problem was, I didn’tknowhow I felt from one minute to the next. I felt so many things all at once, it was difficult to sort through them all to see what hid at the very core.
“Will the wards keep out the curse?” Tadhg slurred, a half-empty bottle of puítin hanging from his fingers as he stared through the gate.
“I suppose we’ll find out tomorrow or the next day.” Our wards were ancient and strong, continually fed by my magic—and since his curse had broken, Tadhg’s as well—but last year, the Queen had waltzed straight through as if they weren’t even there.
I imagined the blight she’d created would do the same.
Tadhg’s head tilted as he continued looking off into the blackened distance. “We should probably strengthen them just in case.”
“Probably.”
Instead, I lifted my glass, and he his bottle, and we both took burning gulps.
The fire in my throat was nothing compared to the anguish in my heart. Last night, I’d seriously considered ripping the feckin’ thing from my chest to rid myself of this emotion-fueled indecision. Life had been so much simpler without it.
Without warning, Tadhg stalked through the wards and dropped to his knees on the ground to press his free hand into the dirt. Although his hand lit with magic, blackness from the earth climbed his fingers, as if searching for the dark magic that lived within him. The same thing had happened to me each time I’d tried to force the blight away.
“It’s not going to work,” I told him.
Tadhg’s hand jerked into the air, and the blackness dripped down his fingertips like ink, seeping back into the ground from whence it came. He stomped back to where I waited beneath the murder hole and took another pull from his flask. “Can I ask you something?”
“Only if it has nothing to do with women.”
He gave a humorless chuckle. “Do you think Tearmann would be better off if we let the Queen take the throne?”