The Phantom Queen ruling all of Tearmann. Nowthatwas a terrifying thought. I took another sip. “That depends on whether or not you value human lives over Danú.”
He glanced sidelong at me, the darkness of the grass reflected in his wary eyes. “You truly believe she would kill them all?”
After seeing firsthand how much disdain she felt for them and being forced to kill so many myself, there really was no doubt. “If she had the means, yes. I do.” To the Queen, the sins of the father were the sins of the son. No human was innocent of the crimes that had been committed against the Danú.
Tadgh’s shoulders slumped as he gestured toward the distant cliffs with his bottle. “Do you ever wish you could get on a ship and sail away?”
“I lived the first nineteen years of my life in a castle on a cliff at the heart of the Black Forest with a witch who used to whip me for not standing up straight. What do you think?”
The places I’d planned on going. I’d even had the guts to do it once. The night before my thirteenth birthday, I’d evanesced to South Port and bought myself a one-way ticket to Iodale. I barely made it out of the port before retching my guts up because of the ever-shifting sea. Ended up jumping overboard to drown myself. Thankfully, my body washed up on the shore, and the rest, as they said, was history.
“Rían?”
The sound of Leesha’s too-sweet voice echoed around the courtyard. How many years had I spent wishing to hear her call my name?
She waved at us from the top step, sunlight dancing in her fiery tresses. “I’ve tea in the family room. Won’t you join me?”
“I’ll be there in a moment,” I called over my shoulder.
Tadhg’s bloodshot eyes narrowed as he studied me. “What are you going to do about her?”
“What are you going to do about your bastard?” I shot back.
There was a beat of silence, and then we both drained what remained of our drinks. What a sorry pair we were.
Eventually, I got up the nerve to go inside and found Leesha sitting on the settee, her hands clasped in her lap and a smile playing on her lips.
Do you still love her?Aveen’s voice whispered from somewhere far away.
In a perfect world, the answer would have been no. But this world was far from perfect.
My feelings for Leesha all seemed to stem around guilt. I’d promised her so much, and if I didn’t follow through, that made me a terrible person.
But I was terrible.
The man Leesha loved had been…not good, per se, but certainly better than the man I was today.
When I thought about my situation like that, the answer was so feckin’ simple.
I couldn’t tell this woman the truth because I didn’t want to hurt her even though the lie was so much worse. With Aveen, I couldn’t bear to lie. She knew everything there was to know about me, the wretchedness I was capable of, and loved me anyway.
Wasn’t that the point of this life? To find someone who would love you despite all your faults?
Didn’t Leesha deserve to find something true instead of a false love rooted in guilt?
The moment my arse hit the cushion, Leesha started rubbing my arm. Her hands weren’t the ones I wanted on my body. Her smile didn’t make my breath catch.
This needed to end today.
Leesha’s brow furrowed as she watched me stand right back up. “My love?” She made to reach for my hand, but I took another step back. “Why are you acting so strangely?”
“Please don’t call me that.” I wasn’t her love. Not anymore.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, the note of panic in her tone impossible to ignore.
I’d already lost Leesha, healed, and moved on.
I couldn’t lose Aveen as well.