He sounded so eager and hopeful, like every part of him needed me to be okay with living here, that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything bad about my experience so far. I tucked my own feelings away, shoved them right behind that desperate need to not make waves with anyone about anything, and said, “It’s been good. Great. There’s a seagull that keeps coming to my window. It poops a lot and stole my crackers yesterday, but mostly just stares at me. It’s kind of creepy, but also cute.”
Shea laughed. “Those fuckers are like little sky rats. You gotta watch out for them.”
I laughed at his description. “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on him. Are you not—um…when will you be back?”
“Another week, and then I’m back for two days, then out for about six to eight weeks. Is that—you’ll be okay, right?” The concern in his voice was evident, and I didn’t know what to do with that.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I said.
And I would be. I’d been on my own for so long that it was what I was used to and what I preferred.
Shea was quiet for a moment, then said softly, “I love you, Beau. I know I—I know there’s a lot of distance between us, even now, but I just want you to know that I love you and I’m gonna make it up to you. Okay?”
My throat felt too tight, and my nose pricked uncomfortably. “Yeah,” I rasped. “I love you, too. You don’t—you don’t have to make anything up. It was what it was. It’s over now.”
“Mm,” Shea said, and I knew him enough to know he didn’t agree. And he knewmeenough to know I would try to sweep everything under the rug and pretend nothing bad had ever happened. “If you say so. Look, I gotta go, but call me if you need anything, okay? And we’re definitely hitting up Artie’swhen I’m back. Love you.”
“Love you, too. Bye.”
I set the phone down, lay back, and closed my eyes. They popped open when I heard the front door shut, and a tense discomfort began pinching at my nerves.
Lea was back.
“Beau!” He shouted, making panic claw down my spine. “I brought you something!”
Crap. I had been desperately hoping that he’d have zero interest in interacting with me, that he would just come home and do whatever he normally did and I wouldn’t have to be near him at all.
Most people forgot I even existed, and I’d expected Lea would be the same.
I tried to breathe through the sudden nausea roiling in my gut. He was just another guy. I had nothing to be nervous about. I should think of him like a brother, if anything.
That was going to be impossible. Nothing about the feelings he stirred up in me were brotherly in the least.
I got to my feet, padded over to the door, and cracked itopen. Lea was bustling around in the kitchen, so I slowly made my way down the hall, dread rising with every step. I stuck my shaking hands in my pockets.
The fridge door was open, and I could only see Lea’s ass and feet as he rummaged through it. He was humming something, the sound pleasant and low. He stood upright, saw me, jumped, and shouted, “Fuck!”
I startled and stepped back.
“Sorry,” I said, staring at his hand on the fridge door. His fingers were long, his palm broader than mine. Elegant. Like his handwriting.
“Holy hell, you’re so quiet,” he breathed. My eyes flashed to his face. God, he was even more beautiful than I remembered. His dark blue eyes were lit with amusement, and when they drifted from mine and slowly roamed over my features, a hot flush crept up my neck and spread across my cheeks. It spread higher until my ears began to burn.
It took everything in me to not turn and run back to my room.
“What’s this?” Lea asked, his tone laced with intrigue. He closed the fridge and stepped closer to me as his gaze roved over my face.
I resisted the urge to step back.
What? What was what? Why was he coming closer?
My heart pounded when he reached out and grasped my chin in one cupped hand, and a small gasp slipped past my lips while every nerve ending in my body went haywire.
He was way too close, and taller than me, and ohgodhe smelled so good.
As soon as I caught the first whiff of something light and floral with a hint of something sweet and sugary, my entire body tensed.
He smelled as beautiful as he looked.