“Lots about life isn’t easy. But making the decision to be there for someone? That part is.”
I inhale sharply, like the air around me has changed. Like maybe I’m starting to see clearly for the first time in months. Years.Forever?
“I’m scared. I don’t know if I can be a father.”
“All first-time parents feel the same,” she says. “And how do you think Serena’s feeling?”
I picture her face in the parking lot yesterday. That raw, wild fear in her eyes. Then I imagine her sitting alone in the doctor’s waiting room, and I hate myself a little more. “She’s always wanted a family, but it’s part of this big dream she has. Fall in love. Get married. Buy the perfect house. Then start a family. Doing it out of order? She’s probably scared, too.”
Mama rests a hand over mine. “And you love her?”
I don’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“I don’t mean as a best friend, Chase. I mean real love. The kind of love that makes butterflies dance in your stomach. Love that means you can’t stand not to reach out and touch them anytime they’re near.” There’s a quiver in her voice, and I know she’s thinking of Dad. It’s been over twenty years since the storm and the horse accident that took his life, but I still remember them dancing in the kitchen together anytime a song came on the radio they liked. I remember the love they had for each other.
“Being with her is the only time I feel whole,” I admit. “But that doesn’t take the fear away. I’m scared I’ll walk away when it gets hard, and I’ll ruin Serena’s life and the life of this baby. I’m scared I won’t be good enough.”
Mama squeezes my hand. “All you have to do is show up every day.”
I nod, the weight in my chest finally beginning to shift. Slow at first, like ice cracking after a long freeze. I just have to show up. I let the words sink in until the fear stops feeling like something I should run from, but something to move through.
I’ve been telling myself my whole life I’m not cut out for forever. That I’d only end up walking away like my mom and dad did. But I’m finally starting to get it. I don’t have to repeat their mistakes. I don’t have to run. I can choose. I can choose to stay, to fight, to be the man Serena and this baby deserve. Hell, maybe the man I deserve to be, too. I’ve spent years convincing myself I wasn’t enough for her. But she’s been enough for me since I was nine years old. And I’m done letting fear make my decisions.
Every doubt, every excuse, every wall I built crumbles. Serena’s carrying my child, and she’s carried my heart since we were kids.
I pull out my phone and type fast as a plan starts to form:
CHASE:I need your help. Meet at mine tomorrow at 8am.
JAKE:You know we just won our last game of the season, right? I was planning to be sleeping off the celebration tomorrow morning.
CHASE:It’s important.
DYLAN:What do you need?
CHASE:Bring your tools. And bring Harper, Izzy, and Mad if they’re free.
JAKE:I’m gonna need coffee and muffins.
CHASE:Eggplant and chili flavor OK?
DYLAN:Chase is back!
JAKE:About time! See you tomorrow!
I pocket my phone.
I’m done letting the past hold me back. It may have shaped the man I am, but it doesn’t get to define my future. That’s mine to build—one step, one choice, one promise at a time. And I’m starting now. I’m choosing Serena.
If I’m not too late…
THIRTY-SEVEN
SERENA
I sit cross-legged on the floor of my parents’ living room, a tiny porcelain teacup balanced in one hand and a stuffed unicorn in the other. Across from me, Ruby pours imaginary tea with an exaggerated tilt of her plastic teapot while Grace places imaginary cookies onto plastic plates. The girls are both in their favorite dress-up clothes. Ruby in a tutu and sparkly tiara, Grace in a pirate’s costume complete with pink fairy wings that keep slipping off her shoulders.
“Auntie Rena,” Grace says, peeking at me through a veil of golden curls. “Would Mr. Fluffles like lemon or strawberry tea?”