“Stop. Alec, you’re so much more than I ever expected youto be. Even when I thought you were Mo, Humanitarian of the Year, I couldn’t have guessed at how perfect you really are.”
He shook his head. “That’s definitely not true. You don’t have to spare my feelings, Scarlet. I know I’m not anyone’s idea of a hero.”
She lifted her head and their eyes met. “Stop. This is more about me than it is about you. I’m not this kind of woman. One who settles down.”
She gestured to the table and the carpet, then to the speakers and the house. “But this makes me want to believe I am. All my life I’ve been pretty damn sure of who I am. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s fine. I’m an O’Malley and I get by. This is different. This is changing my life to something that I’ve never had. I only ever had one-night stands before you. And it didn’t bother me. I liked being unencumbered.”
He nodded. He understood where she was coming from. “Everything changed the moment you got pregnant. We have to change to.”
She nodded. “I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can be a mom. If I can be...whatever this is you want me to be. I was just starting to get used to sleeping with you and being here in your town, but this... It’s too permanent. Things don’t last, Alec. They never do.”
Her words made him ache for her and angry at her at the same time. “I’m not your dad.”
“I’m not saying you are,” she snapped back at him.
She was full-on defensive, the way she’d been when he’d first seen her at the polo match. He had no idea what to say to diffuse the situation. How had he read it so wrong? He wasn’t good with people, but this was a big misstep even for him.
“Don’t be like that,” he said. “I’m not attacking you.”
“I know,” she said, turning away from him. “This is how I get when I’m scared.”
“What’s scary about this?”
“Everything. Every. Damn. Thing.”
He waited, hoping she’d continue, but she didn’t.
“I can get rid of it all,” he said, gesturing toward the candles, the rose petals, all the romantic trappings of the evening. “Will that help?”
“No, but mainly because I want it. I want to believe all of this and you. I want to have this feeling inside when I look at you and think about you and not be afraid that it’s going to disappear.”
“Then do. I’m not going anywhere...unless you want me to come to New York with you.”
She gave him the saddest smile he’d ever seen and just shook her head. “I don’t think you’d like it. My life isn’t at all what we’ve had here in Cole’s Hill. And I’ve stayed too long. I forgot what I was here to do.”
“What was that?”
“Find out if you were a decent guy who could raise my child without screwing it up or if I would need to find another family to do that,” she said.
“What?”
“Don’t be like that. It was a one-night stand, we didn’t know each other at all,” she said. “My family is completely f’d up and I don’t want any child of mine to grow up the way I did. I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t know what I was going to encounter when I got here.”
He took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. He understood her fears, but surely they’d gotten past that. “But we do now.”
“Yes, we do. And like I said earlier, you’re more than I expected. And your family is a great support network. This baby will have everything I never did.”
“So then why does the romance bother you? Do you want us to be more businesslike in how we are with each other butstill sleep together?” he asked, because he thought he’d been moving them toward what she was describing.
She shook her head and walked back over to her shoes and put them on. “I am not going to be part of the child’s life after I give birth.”
“I’m not following,” he said. “You want me to raise the child alone?”
“Yes. You’re a much better person than I am. You know how to be a part of a family. You know how to raise a child. I’m?—”
“Hell, no, I’m not,” he said. He couldn’t do that. Not on his own. He had thought they could do it together because they each brought something to the partnership that was different. But his raising the kid alone? What was she talking about? “I work late nights all the time. I can’t be a single dad.”
She nodded.