“Fair enough. I just want this child to have everything I can’t give it. And, Alec, you are a very caring man. You’d be a great dad.”
“You’d be a great mom, and I don’t want to do it on my own. Won’t you please consider doing this with me?” he asked. “Together I think we make a great team.”
She didn’t say anything and he realized that he had read her wrong. That whatever it was she’d been doing with him the last six weeks, it hadn’t been establishing a relationship so that they could raise a family together. He was the person she saw as taking care of the child while she went back to New York, back to her social-media-driven life and away from him.
He didn’t blame her for thinking that at first but they’d gotten to know each other. She had to realize that he wasn’t going to be okay with that. Or maybe she didn’t?
“I want us to try living together,” he said. “I know you weren’t thinking in those terms so I’m not in any hurry for your answer.”
“I can’t.”
He was starting to get angry. “Make me understand this. I know you’re not the kind of woman who would just walk away.”
“I can’t trust myself,” she said at last. “What if I’m like my dad?”
“What if you’re not?” he asked.
“I won’t take a chance with our baby,” she said.
Chapter Fourteen
“What do you mean? Alec, I’m not going to be this woman,” she said, gesturing around the patio. “Our lives are very different. I came here because I needed to know if the father of my baby was a decent guy?—”
“You keep saying that. But we’ve moved beyond that. You’ve become an important part of my life and I think you feel the same about me. We aren’t two strangers figuring out a problem. We are two people who care deeply about each other.”
Care deeply...The words echoed in her head and for once Tara’s sarcastic voice was silent. And the panic that she’d mostly managed to forestall since the moment she’d found out she was pregnant started to rise inside her. A tsunami of doubt was swelling and making her aware of how ill prepared she was to have this conversation with Alec.
“I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I’ll be in touch in a few days. I need you to think about whether you want to raise this child without me or if we should look for another option,” she said.
She walked around him and toward the house. Again, the smell of roses and jasmine surrounded her but this time it made her sad. This patio had been the place that had cemented their relationship and it was probably fitting that it was here that she was ending it. She had never been good at relationships and she wasn’t truly sure why she’d stayed here so long.
The novelty of it?
Don’t be daft, Tara’s voice whispered through her mind.You liked it and you love him.
Love.
No way.She didn’t love him. She wouldn’t allow herself to. Everyone she’d ever loved had died.
“Scarlet!”
She glanced over her shoulder and she saw the agony and pain and anger in his eyes. In the way he stood there with his hands clenched in fists just watching her. There was a knot in her stomach and she just wanted to get far enough away from him that she could stop feeling this. She hated this.
“Don’t go. Not like this,” he said.
“I have to. You want something from me that I can’t give you and I should never have allowed myself to let this happen.”
“You didn’t allow it,” he said. “There’s a bond between us whether you want to admit it or not, and no matter where you go and what decisions you think you’re making that bond will still be there.”
She shook her head. That couldn’t be true. She’d never been in that position before and she highly doubted that once she got back to New York and her old life that she wouldn’t be able to move on from him.
She’d been playing a game while she was here. Pretending all along that she was someone like Mia inThe Princess Diariesbut knowing it was a fantasy she’d never be able to have in reallife. This Eden wasn’t for her. Not really. It was for some woman Alec thought she was.
“Thank you, Alec,” she said at last. “Our time together was unexpected, and I enjoyed this while it lasted.”
“Yeah, whatever,” he said. “I’ll drive you home.”
“You don’t have to,” she said. She didn’t know what she’d do if they were in the car together. She needed to get away. To be alone.