“I know it’s over the top but you’re the first woman I’ve ever wanted to do this stuff for,” he said. “You mean a lot to me, Scarlet.”
She nodded. What was she going to say? She had to think and fast because she was starting to want to stay. Here in Cole’s Hill. Here with Alejandro Velasquez. Here with this family she’d always secretly craved.
He might not know it but he was offering her everything she’d always believed she’d never find. And it was harder than she thought to keep her cool. She swallowed hard, feeling the tears burning in her eyes as he opened the French doors to the patio and she heard the sound of jazz music playing. She’d told him she loved jazz and he’d remembered.
He’s good for you, Tara’s voice whispered again.Don’t mess this up.
Don’t mess it up.
That was exactly what she was so afraid of doing.
“Thank you,” she said as she stepped onto the patio. She saw that he had new carpet in the seating area, a thick Berber rug that looked really soft. She toed off her shoes and stepped onto it.
The smell of roses and jasmine mingled in the air. She turned to check on Alec and noticed he was watching her. She held her hand out to him as “’S Wonderful” started playing and he came to join her, drawing her into his arms, singing under his breath as he danced them around in a circle. His hands against her back were warm and strong, his touch turning her on the way it always did.
His slightest touch was all it took to inflame hersenses and make her forget everything but his dark chocolate eyes and his rock-hard body. He dipped her as the song ended and she clung to him, confident he wouldn’t drop her because Alec was strong. He was always there for her. And as much as she didn’t want to depend on him, she realized she already did. Whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not, she already felt deep affection for him.
Affection?Tara’s voice jeered.Why can’t you admit you love him?
She pulled herself from Alec’s embrace and turned away from him—and from the voice in her head. No way was she going to admit it, but the truth was there echoing in each beat of her racing heart.
She wasn’t lovable.
She never had been.
Her mom had left her.
Her sister had disappeared first into addiction and then died.
Her father couldn’t even be bothered to speak to her unless he needed her signature on a document.
How was she going to believe that she could love Alec and be loved in return?
“Scarlet, baby? Are you okay?” he asked.
The concern in his voice made her feel dumb. She wasn’t reacting the right way. She never knew how to behave in this situation. Give her a bunch of paparazzi standing outside her front door trying to catch her in an embarrassing situation and she could handle it. But a guy who’d planned a romantic evening—no dice.
“I’m not,” she said, shaking her head. “I just realized that I’ve been pretending all this time that you and I could be a real couple.”
“What? What do you mean? I wanted to make this night special... I’m not like this normally.”
She shook her head. “I know. That makes it even worse. I want to be the kind of woman you deserve, Alec. Someone who can see all this and feel safe enjoying it, but I’m not. Nothing in my life prepared me for this. I’m chaos and ruin. I’m running from one hot mess to the next and I don’t think I can change.”
He shook his head, holding his hands out toward her. “You don’t have to change. I’m not asking you to.”
But he was. He might not have said the words, but he wanted something permanent between them, and that scared her more than anything else. She had to get out of here, out of Texas before she forgot the truth of who she was. That she was Scarlet O’Malley of the hard-drinking, always fighting O’Malleys. Not the woman who could settle into domestic life.
That wasn’t her scene.
He hadno idea how things had gotten so far out of his control. “Let’s go inside.”
She didn’t budge, just stood there with her arms wrapped around her body, and he realized she was scared. He went over to her and hugged her, careful to be aware if she was resistant to his embrace. But she sighed and rested her forehead against his shoulder. Her breathing was ragged and rough as she stood there.
He rubbed his hand up and down her back.
“I have no idea what I’ve done to upset you. But I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again,” he said, remembering that first afternoon when they had been on the patio and she’d run away from him.
“I’m not that guy who lied to you the first night we met. I’ve been trying to show you that I can be so much more than you first thought I was. But I know I still have a long way?—”