I missed his sarcasm and his dominating need to protect me.
I missed the way he would take control or look at me like he could hardly believe I was real.
I missed his snark, and I even missed him fucking me. Not just sex, even though I missed that and making love to him. I just missed the way he looked at me when he realized I wasn’t as breakable as he’d made me out to be in his head before he threw me around, pounding into me until I screamed his name over and over again.
I missed his touch.
I missed him—all of him. Every last scar and shadow that fell over him.
I could survive this if he would just... include me.
Knowing he wouldn’t be the first to move, I took matters into my own hands, pressed my palm against the window and nodded… like I agreed with him. I was reminding him that I wasn’t going anywhere because, damn it, I would wait for him forever.
Drew glanced down at the bike between his legs. Theticking of his jaw said so much, yet not enough. When he snapped his head up to look at me again, I saw the grief begin to surface. No amount of tension in his face could hide that, but it didn’t stop him from trying. He gave me a small nod—one that probably meant something different to me than it did to him—and he cut the engine, climbed off his bike, and opened the door of my truck without saying a word. All he offered was his heavy sigh and his hand for me to take.
I turned off my truck and slipped my hand into his, my heart rate spiking at the tiny point of contact between us. I pulled the keys from the ignition and hopped out, dropping to my feet in front of him, so I was staring at his broad chest.
“No. Yes. I don’t know. Dallas. I promise,” I answered his unspoken questions softly. I wasn’t even sure what I was saying would make sense to him, but I didn’t look at his face to see if there was understanding. I stared at his Adam’s apple and watched it slide gracefully under the flesh of his throat as I waited.
His thumb found my engagement ring, and he ran it over the sunshine yellow diamond a few times before he unleashed his rough and raw voice on me—a voice I barely recognized—one that sounded like war and torture and everything pained in this world.
“No. Yes. I don’t know. Somewhere North. Did things that felt good for a while. Glad you’re safe,” he managed to push out, his voice smoky. He kissed my engagement ring, pressing it to his mouth and closing his eyes as though it was pure agony to feel against his skin.
I waited for four of my rapid heartbeats to pass before I pushed the hand he’d kissed to his chest, covering his heart. I still didn’t look up and meet his eyes. Instead, my eyes movedto where our joined hands lay over his body, and I took the deepest breath I could.
“One day, when you need it the most, ask me how much I love you, Drew.” I glanced up through my eyelashes and swallowed.
“I know,” he whispered, exhaling heavily and keeping his focus on anything but my face. “I know.”
Drew swallowed and turned his head to the direction of The Hut. That’s when I saw more signs of violence, the streaks of brownish red. A slightly swollen left eye, too, and what looked like the scratch of a nail down the exposed part of his neck.
He wore his shame as much as he wore his wounds. Nobody else may have been able to see it, but I could.
When he turned back to me, he didn’t say anything. For the first time in a long time, his sad eyes met mine and searched them.
“Take a shower with me,” he demanded softly.
I nodded, my head bobbing with absolute certainty. There was nothing more I wanted then than to get in the shower with him. I longed for the physical contact.
I stepped aside and pushed my truck door closed before taking the lead and heading toward The Hut. Each footstep I took led Drew forward until the darkness of the bar and smell of beer closed in around us.
There weren't many people left in the bar now, but those who were there seemed to understand that a distraction wasn’t welcome right now. Instead, they blended into their surroundings and the women who were wrapped around them, leaving us alone to move through the room without interruption. I locked our bedroom door once we were inside,something I didn’t do very often.
I didn’t leave Drew alone for a second, my fear of him changing his mind becoming too much. I moved us to the bathroom, my free hand reaching for the shower, flipping it on until the hiss of water filled in the silence and the steam slowly began to rise.
When I turned back to him, he grabbed my wrist and held it in between us. “Do you remember the first time we ever fucked?”
“You think I’d forget that?”
“I think I was more stable then,” he admitted quietly before he used his free hand to trap my chin between his thumb and finger. “Bring me back,” he whispered. “Wash me clean again. Just for tonight.”
My chest rose and fell with the intensity of the breaths I was dragging in. I studied Drew’s features for only a moment longer before my hands moved to undress him. Bit by bit, his clothes came off his body and pooled at our feet, leaving a bruised and bloodstained canvas of flesh. Even like this, he was gorgeous, and I struggled to tear my eyes away from him. I somehow managed eventually, and I quickly undressed before I opened the door to the shower and pulled him in behind me.
He moved where I moved, and for the first time since Harry’s death, he didn’t look away. Drew was a force of nature in this world; a hurricane that tore through your life, picked you up, and either kept you in his grip forever or spat you out like you were no good. He rarely looked weak, but I’d seen him that way several times during our time together, and I knew how special that made our connection. I understood the position I held. I felt that crown upon my head, and I cherishedevery significance it carried with it.
His dick became hard instantly, but his eyes had the lingering sadness to them. He just couldn’t pretend he wasn’t turned on when we were together any more than I could.
“I love you,” Drew said roughly as the water cascaded over his head, drenching his overgrown hair until it stuck to the edges of his face. Droplets dripped down his nose, falling over the curves of his slightly swollen lips. Drew’s hands found my hips, squeezing tight before he let his silky wet hands slip around to the top of my naked ass. Every touch had an edge to it, but I didn’t overthink it. I was his anchor. He could hold on like I was saving his life. It’s all I ever wanted to do for him.