Chapter Three
AYDA
Some nights I would collapse in the middle of the bed I used to share with Drew, my arms and legs spread out wide as the air conditioner blew cold air into the room and chilled every inch of skin it touched. With my eyes on the ceiling fan, I would wait, listening endlessly for the sound of his bike so I knew he was home and still alive. Other nights, I would escape to the bedroom that he gave to me and drown myself in reruns of classic television shows and movies or play video games until sleep took over and I woke up driving a character into a wall. Nights like tonight, however, I got up, slid into my truck and just took off.
I drove the river of asphalt out of town and headed to Corsicana, then hit Interstate 45 and kept going north until the Dallas skyline crept up, cut through the darkness and winked at me. I would drive the loop, circle back and head to Babylon feeling emptier than I did when I started out. It was a growing trend that never really changed.
I don’t know why I chose to do this. I don’t even know what the city held for me on these nights when it called, but my windows were down, my music was turned up, and my foot was on the gas. I didn’t so much as look in my mirrors to see if anyone was following me. As I hit I45, I turned thevolume up on the radio and started singing as loudly as I could.
I sang until my voice broke, my throat burned, and a smile curled the corners of my lips.
It was Harry I thought about tonight while singing. Harry and grief. Grief and Drew. He’d said to me earlier that this was just grief. He’d also asked me to wait for him.
“He doesn’t know,” I finally said aloud, running my free hand through my hair before slapping at the power button on my radio. I was now on my way back to Babylon, the lights of the city in my rear view as I leaned an elbow on the window. “Harry, he just doesn’t know how deep my love runs, does he? Wait for him. Is that really a question? Like I could do anything else.”
I sighed and waited, conjuring Harry’s voice in my mind as though he were answering me. These days he was the only person I could talk to about anything.
“I don’t know how to help him,” I said. A stray tear fell from my eye, and I swiped it away in anger. “I can’t lose him but admitting that I could makes me feel like I’m giving up on him, and I’m not capable of that either so it’s this endless cycle. Round and around I go. What do I do? How do I get through that thick, stubborn skull of his and make him see that he’s not alone? He’s never been alone. How do I take some of this burden away from him?”
I rode deeper into the night in silence; my mind mulling over Harry’s responses until I finally took my exit and headed down the highway to Corsicana, narrowing my eyes as the two tail lights ahead of me broke apart and weaved back together again. I knew what that meant. They were bikes. It wasn’t always distinguishable in the dark like this, especially whenthey were rolling side by side like the pair ahead of me, but the small weave from left to right to avoid potholes or roadkill was a dead giveaway.
My foot pressed on the gas, and the growl of the big engine shot me forward with a little more power. I wasn’t arrogant enough to think that every bike on the road would be one of our guys. I wasn’t stupid enough to speed up to anyone I thought would kill me on sight, either, so I wasn’t really confident about what I was doing until I was close enough to see the license plates and know for certain who it was.
My instincts were dead on. I knew Drew’s license plate number almost by heart, and I found myself staring at it now as it coasted casually toward Babylon next to the bike that I knew belonged to Eric Tucker.
“Where have you two been?” I asked no one in particular, rearranging myself in my seat. I stayed a safe distance behind them. They didn’t interact, and they didn’t look at one another, they just rode side by side, indistinguishable. We’d only traveled about two miles when they slowed and waved me around them.
It was three in the morning. I was out on my own, and there was no hiding that from Drew now. The moment he saw the Hounds on my back window he would realize it was me. If I didn’t go around, he would probably pull a gun assuming I was following them for a more nefarious reason. It didn’t seem like I had much choice at all. With a deep breath, I stepped on the gas and went around them. The double take would have been comical if it hadn’t been Drew.
Then again, there was the undeniable fact that this little situation radiated absolute hypocrisy, and suddenly I didn’t feel too terrible about it all. I was just taking a ride to clear myhead. It wasn’t like I was out looking for trouble.
So I waved.
At Drew.
And then I stepped on the gas.
I didn’t miss the second double take he did, nor did I miss the narrowing of his eyes and the instant tensing of his jaw as he stared at my rearview mirror. With one quick glance at Eric, I knew they’d had a silent exchange, and that’s when they revved the engines on their bikes, flanked me on either side like they were escorting the POTUS home, and rode my ass the entire way back.
This really wasn’t going to end well for me. I was more than aware of that. I talked myself in and out of taking Drew and his father on a wild ride around town, but as much as the thought amused me, my survival instincts screamed that home was better.
By the time I pulled into the yard, I’d mourned my future night trips, considered whether rage was an emotion that would satisfy my need to see something behind those eyes, and given myself a dozen pep talks that Iknewwere pointless. Drew never said anything I expected him to, even on the best of days. He never reacted the way I assumed he would either because he never did anything the same way twice. I hadn’t gone out to piss him off. I hadn’t gone out to find him either. I also hadn’t really considered the danger I’d be in if another MC just happened across me while I was out there alone.
I’d gone for me, and that just sounded selfish now.
I pulled into my usual spot and sat with the engine running, my head on the steering wheel as I waited for something to happen.
It didn’t.
Not the way I imagined it might.
Instead, I heard the heavy juddering of his Harley’s engine, and when I looked out through my window, I saw him on his bike. He was all dark leather and dark eyes on a sad face that he was trying to hide, but the tension was there in his arms, even if his face wasn’t giving much away as he stared at me and left his engine running.
Come and talk to me,I willed silently, studying his handsome features and drinking him in.
God, I missed him.
I missed his smile.