I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“You haven’t been on a single date throughout high school! Come on, Carina! You never put yourself out there!” She’s uncrossed her arms, flinging them around as she talks and the passion builds. “Go on a few dates; you might meet someone you really like. And who knows you better than your best friends? With Emi and I setting the dates up, you’ll meet someone perfect in no time.”
“I don’t want to go on any dates, Kal.”
Her frown deepens. “Why are you so insistent on not going on a date? You haven’t expressed interest in anyone since . . .” She hesitates and glances away. “Since Emmett.”
I freeze. I’ve literally stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. My blood stops pumping, and my lungs stop breathing air. Maybe if I freeze long enough, the universe will decide this conversation doesn’t need to happen.
Kalani stops too, turning to look at me. People continue to walk around us, but I’m only focusing on the way Kalani studies me with her intense brown eyes that have possibly been seeing too much.
“What . . . what are you implying?” I ask, even though I know exactly what she’s implying. And she’d be right. She’s thinking I’m a terrible person pining after my best friend’s boyfriend, and that’s why I haven’t gone on any dates, because the person I really want is taken.
She shrugs and bites her lip. “I don’t know.”
Alarm bells go off in my head. This is bad. Really bad. Kalani can’t think I’m still in love with Emmett, even though that’s the truth. I told her I was happy for them when she announced they were official and promised myself to never mention my feelings for Emmett again, because she means more to me than any crush. But if she found out my real feelings, it would ruin our friendship; it would ruineverything.She’d never believe that I can be in love with him but also wish her and Emmett the best; feelings don’t work that way. Howcouldshe believe that I’m not planning on stealing him from her, even though I’m not?Iwouldn’t believe it if the roles were reversed. She’ll never believe my true intentions when I’m around her and Emmett, and all trust in me will shatter. I need to save this, and I need to do it fast, before the thought has time to simmer in her mind and the truth absorbs into her brain.
Forcing myself to breathe, I continue walking with her to class. “You’re right. I haven’t gone on any dates because I’m too shy to put myself out there. Maybe you’re right about needing to set me up too. Obviously, I’m not meeting any guys with my current tactic of ‘wait for people to come up to me.’” It’s a straight-up lie, but I say it with enough conviction to be believable.
The wait-and-see tacticisworking. I’ve been asked out plenty of times, I just turn everyone down because none of them are Emmett, and I’m not in any rush to date someone just for the sake of dating them.
My lie seems to work because she perks up. “I knew it! I’m a genius. Emmett, Emi, and Daphne all agreed that this was a great idea.”
They’ve all talked about this? They’re all annoyed with me? It shouldn’t, but hearing that Emmett thinks I need to be set up hurts. Iknowhe’s in a happy relationship and doesn’t feel the same way about me. I should stop being so pathetic. Maybe this really is a good idea. Maybe Iwillmeet someone I connect with, someone who will take my mind off Emmett, someone evenbetterthan Emmett. Plus, if Kalani suspects my feelings toward Emmett, going on a successful date will help ease those fears.
“Who’s Jay, and when’s our date? Am I supposed to, like, text him?” I’ve never been on a blind date before, and the protocols are confusing.
“I’m so excited!” she squeals and jumps up and down. “It’s this Friday at Murphey’s. I figured that was a safe bet because it’s casual but not too casual; that way there’s not a lot of pressure on the date, you know? And it’s not safe to get in a car with someone you’ve never met, so I told him you’d meet him there at seven.”
I’m taken aback by her eagerness. “Wow, you put a lot of thought into this.”
She nods. “We’re all really excited,” she says, reminding me again that apparently all my friends hate my fifth wheeling.
“You’ll like Jay if you give him a chance, I’m sure of it,” Kalani continues. “And if it doesn’t work out, I already have the next guy lined up—not that I don’t have faith in Jay, but you know, just in case.”
She already has alineupof guys for me? Obviously, it’s important to them that I’m no longer single. But she says it weirdly, almost conspiratorially. Iamgiving Jay a chance; I’m going out with him Friday night.
“I can’t wait to tell Emmett!” Kalani exclaims, and my stomach twists. I hope for everyone’s sake Jay is as great as Kalani is making it seem. I don’t know if I can go on a bunch of dates and pretend to be interested in guys who aren’t Emmett, but I’ll try, with three guys maximum. That sounds like a good number. Then I can say I tried and call it quits.
—
The week flies by, and I’m so swamped with work and school that I push the date out of my mind, even though it’s basically all my friends talked about for the first few days. Friday after school, I’m working on my painting when Emi rings my doorbell.
“Why are you in paint-splattered overalls?” she asks, patting Kevin on the head when she sniffs her.
“Because I’m painting?” I say, closing the door behind her.
“You’re going to Murphey’s likethat?” She makes a show of checking me out with a grimace.
My hair is thrown in a high ponytail, and I’m wearing my painting overalls paired with fuzzy socks decorated with unicorns and ice cream. “Well, I’ll probably get changed and wash the dried paint out of my hair. What are you doing here?”
She shakes her head at me and scoops Kevin up, though she quickly starts wiggling out of her embrace.
“Kevin, I’m trying to give you some love,” Emi scolds, but Kevin doesn’t enjoy getting picked up by non-family members. To me, Emi says, “I’m here to help you get ready. Plus, I wanted to see if you suddenly ‘got the flu’ and canceled.”
“I would never!” Although the thought did cross my mind three times in the last hour. The only thing stopping me is that I don’t have his number and didn’t want to stand him up.
“Uh-huh.” She raises an eyebrow and gently places Kevin on the floor. “You’re going to get dressed up, right? You’re cute, don’t get me wrong, but this is a first date, and you need to bring your A game instead of looking . . . washed out.”