Zach sighed, the realization hitting him. “That I never felt that way about you. Ever. I never thought you weren’t good enough for me.”
“No. All I heard was that you didn’t think I was smart enough to think for myself. You had your future planned out and you couldn’t possibly conceive of derailing your plans, so you had to make sureIstayed on track. Exactly the wayyouenvisioned it. You saw me needing you and wanting you as giving up on myself, without even talking to me about it. It was belittling, Zach. And humiliating.”
“That wasn’t it. I was young, and if you want to know the truth, emotionally unequipped to be there for you the way I thought you really needed me. I hadn’t lost anyone close to me at that point. My grandpa died when I was like two. I didn’t know how to handle your grief over losing Nana—or mine.
“When you came to live with us right after your parents died, when you came back to me after Nana died, I didn’t know how to do anything other than try to make you laugh and try to help you move on. I didn’t tell you to go back to Paris because I didn’t want you to be here with me. I think this place was the place—”
“Where I come when people leave me.”
“Evie. That’s not what I meant.”
“I know, Zach, but it’s true. This was never my home. It was just a place where I ended up until I figured out where I needed to be. And now I know where that is. I’m leaving for the city in the morning.”
“I don’t want you to leave. Not yet. They found a temporary replacement for you atThe Dish. You don’t need to go back right away.”
“That night, after Nana’s funeral—I didn’t need you to suddenly know how to fix everything or how to fix me. I just wanted you to admit that I wasn’t in this alone for one second. I wanted you to admit all that those looks we shared growing up meant something more. I just wanted you to be brave.”
“Evie. I’m sorry.”
“I know. Listen. I know we’ve talked and I know you apologized. And I still accept your apology, but this—what I feel for you, all of it. Loving you, wanting to choke you. I’ve been dealing with that for years and I can’t help it, but I’m still pissed. I might be even more pissed than I was before.”
“Why?”
“You just said that you’ve been in love with me your whole life.”
“I have.”
“You never called once.” Her voice sounded like it was splitting in two and suddenly tears started streaming down her cheeks. She lifted her glasses and started to wipe them away, but more kept coming. “You never tried to see me. Jesse and Sam knew I was hurting, and they tried. You loved me so much, but it was so easy for you to let me walk away. You never even asked your brothers to check in on me. I know you thought I was being dramatic, but I had lost the last of my whole family, Zach. And you just let me go.”
Zach’s mouth opened, but his pitiful defense died in the back of his throat. Yeah, Evie had always been stubborn and quick tempered when it came to him. Still, in this moment she was right. Zach had loved Nana Buchanan, but she was Evie’s whole world, and in a flash she was gone. Zach had his brothers, and his grandmother, and even with the distance and a bit of unresolved tension, his parents to fall back on, knowing that they’d love him unconditionally. No matter how close they’d been as kids, Zach had never offered Evie anything close to unconditional love, even with their friendship. When she told him she wanted and needed more, he’d dropped the ball and never even bothered to pick it up.
“I just. I don’t trust myself with you. Even right now. I feel fifteen all over again, just trying to get you to see me,” Evie said.
“I do see you.”
“Yeah, and it only took a coma to get you there.”
“I don’t know what else to say, but I am sorry.”
Evie shrugged, the tears still running down her face. “And I don’t know what else to say other than I still need time to be pissed about it and I don’t know when Iwon’tbe pissed about it. I need to finish packing. Vega and I are flying out in the morning.”
“Vega’s going with you?”
“Yes. I need to get another MRI, but I want to do it back in New York. Miss Leona and Jesse said they’d feel better sending me off if I had her around just in case. It’ll only be for a few days. Oh, and I didn’t tell you the best part,” she added with a bitter laugh. “Iwaspushed.”
“What the fuck?”
“It was Melanie Burns. I have to go back and deal with her.”
“Jesus. Okay. Okay.” As much as he hated to see her walk away, there was nothing he could do. Evie had a place, she had friends, her own life in New York, and she definitely needed to get back to dole out some stair-related justice on Chef Burns. “Please don’t leave without saying goodbye.”
“I promise I won’t.”
“Okay. I’ll leave you to it.”
“Goodnight, Zach.”
It took everything in him not to cross the bedroom and scoop her up into his arms. He wanted to kiss the hell out of her, remind her what they could still have together, but he knew better than to push her in this moment. He turned, and again, walked out of Evie Buchanan’s life.