“That’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re—”
“I don’t live here!” Evie exploded, shutting him right up. Euca perked up and glanced between them. She didn’t settle until Evie let out another deep breath. Zach watched Evie as she closed her eyes, then adjusted her glasses before she went on drilling a hole through the center of his heart. “I’m not trying to be dramatic, Zach. Not everything is about you. I don’t live here anymore. I know what we had, but my family isn’t here anymore. My life isn’t here. And I don’t mean that you guys aren’tlikefamily. I don’t mean that all of the Pleasants aren’t important to me. I just—”
“I think that’s exactly what you mean.”
“God, Zach. I have to get back to the city for reasons that have nothing to do with us.”
“Nah. You’re running. You can make some calls, whatever you have to do. You don’t have to bounce like this.”
“Can we justnotright now? Can we not act like this isn’t extremely weird and maybe not the best idea?”
“Are the circumstances here a little strange? Yeah, that doesn’t mean I want you to take off again,” Zach said, knowing immediately that he’d fucked up again. That wasn’t how things went down. He knew his father would have backed off if Zach had asked him to stop trying to push them together. He also knew, now, that if he had just been honest with himself and told Nana Buck and Evie how he really felt about her, they might have had something. He’d taken Nana’s words to heart and he’d sent Evie away.
“I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did. And this is why this isn’t going to begin to work. Ten years, Zach, and you still think you had no part in me putting three thousand miles between us.”
“That’s not true. I’m sorry. I admit it. I sent you away. I thought that I knew what was best for you. I thought you were grieving and maybe—”
“You thought that losing my grandmother meant I wanted to throw my life away. Even though you knew I’d finally found my passion and my calling, you thought that just because I got up the courage to finally make a move and tell you how I felt and what I wanted for us that I was really going give it all up.”
“I—There was only one way it could work. I had to take over for Senior. It was that or we sell the ranch.”
“No, Zach. That was the only way it could work for you. You didn’t see it any other way. You’re still so arrogant. Jesus. You think I didn’t know the pressure Senior had put you under? You think I wasn’t paying attention? It didn’t have to be all or nothing for either of us, Zach, but you thought it did. You made the call, so I went back to Paris. I finished my training. I saw the world. Without you.”
Evie closed her mouth suddenly. Zach didn’t miss the way her knuckles tensed as she gripped the edge of the window seat. “Why couldn’t you just admit that you felt the same way about me?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t know until it was too late.”
“You did. I think you didn’t want to admit it until you realized you could have lost me forever.”
Zach swallowed. He didn’t want to validate that statement, even if it did have a hint of truth to it. “I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer, but I don’t know why I didn’t tell you a hundred times. Your grandmother made it so clear that she didn’t want me for you, and when she died—”
“Listen, I get it. I struggled with the same thing. Doing what she wanted of me, making sure that I focused on myself and built my own dreams. She told you to stay away from me and you took that to mean forever. Well, it worked and now I have to go.”
“So all of this is nothing?”
“Zach,” she said with a pained laugh. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but this? This sucks. It stings. It stings knowing that I had to lose my memory and become someone else for you to fall for me.”
“You think I only care about you because of a head injury? You think I haven’t been thinking about you this whole time? You think I haven’t subconsciously kept every woman I meet at arm’s length just on the off chance that I’d see you again?”
“Maybe. The more logical answer is that you’ve been so busy with the ranch, every woman who comes near you knows she can’t compete.”
“Wow, that’s messed up, but no. That’s not it. Evie. I have been in love with you my whole life. I told you that almost the moment I set foot in that hospital room. Why do you think I have practically a hundred episodes ofThe Dishjust hanging out on my DVR?”
“It’s more than that and you know it. I—I never got a chance to see what this was really like. I never got to know what you were like when you weren’t giving me shit. I—”
“Say it. Please.” This was the worst conversation he’d had in his whole life, but he wanted to know it all. He needed to understand what was really going on before he lost Evie again.
“I never got the satisfaction of knowing I was right. You did have feelings for me and you would never just say it. Do you remember what you said to me that night after Nana’s funeral?” Evie asked, her voice cracking a little.
“I told you that I didn’t want you to let it set you back—”
“You told me that uskissingwas a bad idea because you knew I had plans and you didn’t want to screw them up.”
“I didn’t!”
“And then you told me I was too good for this place. Too good for you and you wanted me to keep seeing the world. But you know what I heard?”