Dropping his hands to his sides, Jason turned to her with a hardened expression. “When I lost them that day, I swore I would never put myself in a position to feel that way again. I threw myself into my work, and I’ve spent the last ten years taking down every goddamn criminal I can get my hands on.”
“Your dedication to the citizens of this country is commendable. But don’t you want more for yourself?”
“Of course, I do.” His brow furrowed. “I wanted it all. Love, marriage...kids. But that ship has already sailed.”
“Says who?”
“I’m thirty-eight years old, Soph. Not to mention, I’m already married to my job.”
“So am I.” She shrugged. “Well, I’m thirty-six, but you know what I mean. My schedule’s unpredictable. It’s filled with crazy hours, phone calls in the middle of the night. I’ve gotten called in on weekends...holidays. I understand having to drop everything at a moment’s notice. I also know how easy it is to use that as an excuse not to ever really put yourself out there.”
Jason’s pain morphed into curiosity. “Did you lose someone, too?”
“Not in the way you mean. I’ve lost opportunities. The potential to build something real. But like you, my experiences with loneliness were of my own doing.”
“What do you mean?”
“I grew up in a household where marriage meant pain and fighting. Where, one minute my dad was telling my mom how much he loved her. How he’d never be able to live without her. And in the next, I’d see him slamming his fist into the side of her face.”
“Soph—”
“Don’t.” She put a hand up to stop him. “I’m not asking for sympathy, and frankly, I don’t need it. I’ve made something of myself, despite my toxic childhood. And because I grew up like that, I know what I want and refuse to settle for anything less.”
Jason opened his mouth. He started to say something but stopped himself. Licking his lips, he tried again. “What is it you want?”
“The same things you want. Love, marriage...hopefully it’s not too late for kids.” She sighed. “But I want all of that with someone who understands and accepts how important my job is to me. That and the fact that I’m not going to give it up for them or anyone else until and unlessIchoose to.”
“That seems fair.”
“Relationships should be about two people growing together. Supporting each other in their goals and lifting each other up when times get rough. That’s what I want.”
“And that’s what you deserve.”
“It’s what we both deserve.” She put a hand to his defined chest. “That’s what I’m trying to say. Obviously, I’m not suggesting we run off to Vegas and get married. I mean, you haven’t even taken me on a real date yet.”
A low chuckled burst from his smiling lips. “You aren’t going to let that one go, are you?”
“Nope. Not until it happens.”
“Oh, it’ll happen.” He put his hands on her hips and pulled her body flush with his. “I just need to look into your break-in a little further, first. Make sure it actually was a random act of violence and not something more.”
“You’re not going to letthatone go, are you?” She grinned.
“I can’t.” He ran a hand over the hair on the back of her head. “I can’t risk missing something. Not with you.”
Part of her wanted to tell him she wasn’t his late fiancée. That he didn’t have to live in fear that something like what happened to Shelby would happen to her, too.
But then she remembered she’d almost been shot and killed in Djibouti. And shehadbeen shot last night, in her very own home.
So she kept those thoughts to herself and decided to just live in the moment. With him.
Rising onto her tiptoes, Sophie pretended not to notice the impressive bulge nudging against her lower belly as she nibbled his bottom lip.
“The food’s getting cold,” she whispered teasingly.
He feathered his mouth against hers. “We could always...heat it up later.”
With a devilish grin, Sophie let her lips slide across his and said, “I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”