He gives my ass a playful tap. “Good.”
We decide to drive together in his truck, holding hands, chatting and laughing the whole way, which keeps my anxious thoughts from getting too loud. When we pull up to my house, Dad’s not home, but he mentioned having plans through dinnertime. A happy Bruneau greets us the second we get inside the house. After I change clothes, CJ and I cook a batch of soup for dinner, chopping side by side while CJ sings off key to my eighties playlist and entertains me with his zany animal facts. We’re cleaning up the kitchen after eating when Dad’s truck rumbles to a stop outside the fence, popping the happy bubble I’ve been floating around in all day.
CJ slides both of his hands into mine, and steps in close. Just his nearness helps calm my spiraling thoughts. “Breathe, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay.”
I comply, drinking in the lingering scents of our cooking and his warmth, the friction of his rough calluses against my palms. Leaning in, I kiss him once, softly. “Okay.”
The front door opens, and before I can think to break away, Dad steps around the corner.
Either he came in scowling, or the sight of us put that dark look there.
CJ turns but keeps holding my hands. “Rowdy, sir.”
“What the hell is going on?” he booms, hands on his waist.
He looks so angry. It’s not like him. I force in a breath. “Dad, stop.”
He glances at me, his blue eyes apprehensive, but there’s an edge of hurt that churns my stomach.
“You’re on administrative leave,” he says to CJ, his tone icy.
I forgot all about the drug test. “It’s bogus.” My voice comes outhigh and shaky. “CJ wouldn’t do that. We even went to a meeting last night.”
Dad huffs at the ceiling, and it brings back so many arguments he had with Jesse when I was growing up. When things were bad. Shit. Why didn’t I think of that? Of course Dad is going to react like this. Of course he’s going to be wary.
“I’m not using,” CJ says, his voice steady and calm. “The test will come back negative.”
“And meanwhile, you’ll fill in your leisure time with my daughter?” Dad bites back.
“It’s not like that.” My voice is gaining strength now that the secrets are losing their hold on me. “We met before CJ started working with you.”
Dad’s eyes go wide, but not in a good way. He points a finger at CJ’s chest. “You’ve been sneaking around for weeks behind my back?”
I want to defend myself by telling him that we were taking it slow, not sneaking around, but it sounds wrong in my head. “That’s my fault,” I say instead. “I asked him to.”
He narrows his gaze at me. “Why?”
“Because I was scared!” I shout.
A thick silence buzzes between the three of us as Dad stares at me in shock. I’m not a yeller and I’ve certainly never yelled at him.
“After what happened with Nathan, I was so ashamed.” I have to get this out, even though it risks hurting us both. “I should have picked up on the clues. I should have seen that he was derailing my life. Things got worse but I didn’t know how to end it. A part of me didn’t want to. That’s how upside down I felt.”
Dad strokes down his chin, his expression pained.
Next to me, CJ’s quiet, but the way he’s not rushing in to try to fix this or make reassurances gives me a dose of strength. He’s trusting me to handle it my way.
“I’ve been afraid of letting you down like that again,” I say, my voice cracking.
Dad’s eyes pinch. “That you were scared to tell me…or to ask for help…” He huffs a shaky breath. “God, Linnie. I’m sorry. That was never my intention.” His gaze finds mine. “But I need you to hear me when I say what happened with Nathan wasn’t your fault. And nothing about that was in any way letting me down.”
I try to take all of this in, but he’s still upset that I kept CJ a secret. I can see it on his face.
“I only wanted a little space before I shared this with you. To make sure I was standing on my own.”
Dad runs a hand through his hair. “Forgive me, honey. For making you feel that you had to keep this from me. I’ll always support you. Always. Or at least I’ll sure try.”
“I’m sorry.”