I hope for Colton’s sake, it works out. Because he deserves someone warm and caring and patient. Someone who will put him first.
And that’s the rub.
“What about us?” I ask before I can’t. Because the sting of rejection is fucking unbearable.
She crosses her arms. “What about us?”
With a shaky exhale, I run my hands through my hair. Wow. “I need to go.”
“Why?”
“Maybe this is for the best.” This is exactly why I’ve been on my own.
Her mouth is hanging open in shock, but I snatch up my shirt and head for the door. “I’ll see you around.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
I wrapmy arms tighter around CJ’s middle from my spot tucked behind his saddle, the two of us rocking with Jasper’s steady gait. Riding double on such a big horse reminds me of riding with Dad when we first got Cocoa. I know now that Dad bought her for me after Mom left so I wouldn’t feel so alone with my big feelings. I told Cocoa everything. Sometimes I’d just sit in her stall and cry while she nuzzled my head with her soft nose until it chased the sadness away.
“I can’t stay in your clothes all weekend.” I nuzzle my cheek against CJ’s broad shoulder blade.
“Stop giving me ideas.” He swivels in his saddle to kiss me.
Our lips linger, but Jasper’s gait breaks us up, and we lean back, laughing, the afternoon sunlight outlining CJ’s handsome face.
Earlier, when I couldn’t bear to put on my work clothes, CJ loaned me a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, but the second he saw me in them, he dragged me back to his bed. After he devoured me, I must have dozed off, and when I woke again, he was bringing me coffee and toast with extra butter and his grandma’s huckleberry jam.
CJ steers Jasper around a downed log, the clop of his hooves on the soggy trail matching the steady rhythm of my heartbeat. Holdinghim like this, his clean cotton scent mixing with warmed pinesap and Jasper’s sweet musk, makes me wish for a time machine so we could stay right here. But my secret pledge to set things right with my family has been burning a hole in my heart since last night.
I kiss CJ’s shoulder and sigh. “We have a full fridge at my house. We could cook something other than boxed mac and cheese.”
CJ goes stiff against me. “What about your dad?”
“What about him?”
CJ glances back at me, his expression tense with apprehension. “Are you drunk off of all the orgasms I gave you this morning?”
I giggle. “Maybe.” I reach up to hold his face steady so I can kiss him again. “I want him to know.”
He stops Jasper and swivels in the saddle, a look of stark yearning in his stormy eyes. “Baby, you mean that?”
I kiss the edge of his jaw, the soft facial hair tickling my skin. “Last night, when I said I was done with slow, I meant it.”
His fingers dive into my hair and our lips embrace again, hungrier this time. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and a soft groan rumbles up his throat. Heat sparks low in my belly, renewing the ache for his touch. He pulls back and kisses my forehead, his big hand cupping the back of my head.
“Good, because I’m crazy about you, Linnea Jaymes.”
The sweet endearment turns my heart end over end, and I lean into his kiss. “I’m pretty crazy about you too.”
Back at the barn, I slide off Jasper and put him in crossties while CJ dismounts and removes his saddle. I follow him into the tack room with the pad but the instant I set it on the rack, CJ’s arms encircle my waist. He pulls me close, my back to his chest, and presses a kiss to the crook of my neck.
“I want to take you right here.” He releases a low groan that vibrates through me.
“Here? In the barn?”
His erection digs into my back. “Fuck yes.” His sucks the crookof my shoulder, sending a jolt of electricity dancing beneath my skin. “I’ve dreamed about it for weeks. But it can wait.”
I laugh. “I’m going to remember that, cowboy.”