“You loved me then?” I felt an unreasonable brightness at his words.
“I love you still.” No tenderness colored his words, only frustration. His eyes went to mine. “I could’ve destroyed you while we were fighting, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“I thought you did a fair job of trying.” My back still ached where it had hit the barrels. I was bruised all over. Despite this, I couldn’t help but smile. He loved me. Warmth filled me, erasing so many scars that had, though unseen, been over my heart.
“I was trying to dissuade you,” he said. “If I’d wanted to kill you, I’d be holding your broken body and murmuring tearful apologies instead of having this conversation.”
“You should still give me some tearful apologies. I deserve them.”
Back when we lived in Docendum, we sometimes escaped from the castle and picnicked in the woods. After eating, Ronan would lie down on our blanket, stretching out, and I would settle into the crook of his arm and stare up at the sky with him.
The old habit tugged at me. I wanted a few moments to relive those days. I lay next to him, resting my head on his right shoulder, the one not injured in our fight, in case it was still tender.
Perhaps Ronan also remembered those days. He pulled me closer so that I was pressed up against his side. “Iamsorry, Marcella. I thought of you every day. I even flew to Carendale twice to check on you.”
I turned to gape at him. “Why didn’t you speak to me?”
“I knew you hated me. Besides, I saw you with Alaric, walking or huddled together, laughing as thick as thieves. Which I realize now was an apt description of your activities.” Ronan’s hand curved around mine possessively. “I thought you’d revised your goals for a nobleman’s son. I wanted happiness for you, and you seemed to have found it, but I couldn’t visit again. It was too painful to see you in love with another man.”
I’d asked for tearful confessions from him, but I was the one whose eyes filled. Ronan had come to Carendale to see me. He’d cared enough to do that. And he’d stopped visiting for the same reason. My heart broke for the waste of it. Things might have been different if he’d bothered to speak to me. “There’s never been anyone for me but you, Ronan. Granted, that was partially because I never trusted anyone after you, but it’s also because I never wanted anyone else.”
Ronan brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “I’ve never stopped loving you and will never love another. Of course, that’s partially because what Mage Wolfson said is true: a wizard cannot afford attachments. Look how miserably I’ve failed at my duty in protecting the king.”
“I feel you’ve been rather successful on that front.” I snuggled closer into his side. “How did you know Alaric’s name?”
“You didn’t think I would learn my rival’s name? I notice you retained him when you moved to Paxworth. You’re certain you never wanted anyone but me?”
“He’s a friend.”
“I see.”
I wasn’t sure what Ronan thought he saw and didn’t want to discuss Alaric further or why he’d come to Valistowe with me. “How did you know I was in Mage Zephyr’s chamber?”
“I heard a commotion from his guards, and knowing Zephyr to be a target, I went to the hallway to see if a problem had arisen. The remaining guard told me his companion had been bitten by the snake and Zephyr was giving him the antidote. Later, I went back to check on the situation again. When I found only one guard at the door, I knew something was wrong. Giving the antidote doesn’t take long.”
And I had thought it would be difficult to draw Ronan from the king’s room. A commotion outside was all it took. Foolish of him to put himself at risk that way, rushing into what might have been a trap. “I should’ve known you’d catch me eventually. You’re the king’s most formidable wizard.”
“Currently, I’m the king’s only wizard.” Saying the words seemed to remind him of his duties. He pulled himself to a sitting position, bringing me along with him. “I need to return and guard him until other wizards can be appointed.”
“Guard against what?” I asked. “You’ve a firm hand on his attacker.”
“True. Although, you aren’t his only enemy. Still, I suppose the soldiers outside his room and his brother-in-law standing guard inside are sufficient to keep him safe tonight.” Ronan cocked his head at me. “Were you the one chosen to assassinate him? How did you plan to do it?”
I flushed and didn’t answer. Ronan had said he wouldn’t turn me over to the king. He’d made no such guarantee for Gwenyth or Alaric.
Ronan shook his head, answering the question for me. “You weren’t the assassin. Such things aren’t in your nature. One of the others must have been tasked with it. Alaric, I imagine.”
“I’ve done quite a few things that were not in my nature since I left Docendum. Alaric isn’t an assassin.” This was true. He hadn’t committed that crime yet.
Ronan rolled his eyes at my protest. “When you worked in the kitchen, you couldn’t even pluck a chicken, let alone break its neck. No one who knows you would trust you to carry through with a murder. You don’t want to implicate Alaric. I suppose that doesn’t surprise me.” The way Ronan said Alaric’s name implied he would happily throw him in a dungeon.
I wrapped my arms around my knees, trembling with worry. Another punishment had just occurred to me. Ronan would take my wizarding mark, and I was loath to lose it. Magic had become a part of me. “Let me and my party go unharmed, and I’ll promise not to hurt the king or take the mark of another wizard.”
I thought of Lady Edith and Joanne, unaware of any of this, Gwenyth recovering from her burns, and Alaric who’d believed in me even though I’d failed him in more than one regard. “Before I leave, I’ll use my magic to do something helpful for the king.” I was reaching for anything to bargain with. “I’m very adept at making orchards grow. Or I could fix roads or sharpen plows.” Most wizards hated doing these sorts of tasks because they considered the work beneath them.
Ronan didn’t speak. His gaze was firmly on my eyes, his eyebrows furrowed. Whatever he was thinking about, it wasn’t fixing roads.
I hugged my knees tighter. “I didn’t kill any of the king’s wizards…at least not on purpose.” It was perhaps a weak argument since three had still died. “If I’d taken Zephyr’s mark and left him as a tree, I would’ve escaped before you found me, but I was trying to preserve his life. The three that died wouldn’t have done so if they hadn’t been bent on bloodthirsty revenge and using dark magic.” I swallowed. Ronan’s expression hadn’t changed. “Now the king can choose more worthy wizards—assuming that such exist—and you’ll be the senior wizard in his council. When one looks at it that way, the king and you are both better off for my visit.”