Ronan’s silence was unbearable. I knew he was weighing all the options. A judge, whose verdict was still uncertain.
“Please let us go,” I begged, “or at least let the others go. Only I have cause to be punished. Lady Edith has no idea what my aim in coming here was or even that I have magic.”
Finally, he said, “If I let you go, will I ever see you again?”
That was what he was concerned about? “Do you want to see me again?” He’d admitted he’d loved me, but even back at Docendum when he’d loved me, he’d made no plans for a future together. Ronan’s duty was to the king, the man I’d tried to help assassinate.
“Haven’t I made my intentions clear enough?” He leaned over, put his hand around my back, and pulled me closer. His free hand brushed across my cheek, then threaded through the hair at my neck. His lips came down on mine. A light kiss that grew deeper and set my pulse racing.
After all I’d done, he still wanted to kiss me? I could only wonder at him. What did this kiss mean? What sort of future could he possibly imagine for us? Then my mind becameotherwise preoccupied with kissing him. One of my hands tangled into his silky hair. The other found the scars that striped his chest and stayed firmly pressed there. Each beat of his heart was a comforting thrum. He loved me still.
I leaned into his touch, lulled by the security of it, the familiarity. And yet this wasn’t familiar. Back at Docendum, Ronan had never let our kisses go on for so long. He’d always showed restraint and put up boundaries. Now his lips were grazing along my neck, and he was holding me as though he had no intention of ever letting me go.
And I didn’t want him to let me go. I sighed because I knew it couldn’t continue forever. The world awaited us.
At the sound of my sigh, he pulled away from me, checking my expression. “I wouldn’t force you to stay anywhere you didn’t wish. You can return to Paxworth if that’s your desire. You, Lady Edith, and your lady’s maids, although I suspect yours didn’t innocently mistake Mage Saxeus’ room.”
“You would let me go free?” That was a boon. I dared not ask about my magic yet.
“I would, but I’m asking you to stay. I don’t want to lose you a second time.”
“Stay where?” I gestured to the courtyard. “Didn’t you tell the guards what I’ve done? Aren’t they searching for me? I can’t stay.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t tell them I recognized the wizard. As you pointed out, to claim you have magic implicates me. Wolfson knows of our association and would happily take revenge on me.”
Ronan rubbed the back of his neck, still thinking. “I’ll inform the other mages that a foreign wizard snuck onto the grounds undetected, carried out the attack on Zephyr, and was chased off. I followed him, we fought, and I destroyed him—alas, neveruncovering his identity. The wizards will be so happy to be exonerated from suspicion they won’t ask too many questions.”
Ronan took my hand in his. “You can remain at court. Or if you’d rather, I’ll buy you a home in the village and visit when I’m able.” His eyes watched mine with weighted seriousness. “Whether you stay or go, you must promise to have nothing else to do with the renegades. No contact of any kind. Anything less will revoke not only your freedom but that of your entire party.”
A forceful threat. One I had little leverage to argue with, and yet my heart twisted at the thought of walking away from the plight of those in servitude.
Lie, a voice in my head told me. Ronan was willing to believe me. Having gained his trust, however, I couldn’t bring myself to do something to dash it. Sooner or later, he’d put me to the test. When that test came, I didn’t want to fail it.
My fingers curled around his. “You might be right about the renegade leaders or you might be wrong. I’ve no way to know their true motives. My loyalty isn’t to them but to those trapped in service for twenty years. If I’m to cut all associations with the renegades, then I ask you to promise to use your position as the king’s advisor to influence him to change his laws in their favor.”
Ronan’s eyebrows quirked up. My request had been a bold one, especially given my lack of leverage. “The king doesn’t consult wizards about laws,” he said. “He has other advisors for that.”
“Advise him anyway. Many of the servants are so weary of their burdens, they’re willing to take up arms against his troops.” I squeezed Ronan’s hand, pleading. “The man who risked Wolfson’s wrath to save villagers cares for the innocent. The man who fell in love with a kitchen girl must see that servants ought to have rights. You aren’t an ordinary wizard. You’re capable of anything.”
He smiled, but it was a sad smile. “You always thought me so. There is much I’m incapable of. However, I’ll give you my word that I’ll try.” He smiled again, and this time there was more warmth in his expression. “That is one of the reasons I love you. You always believed me to be better than I was, and so I became better in order not to disappoint you.”
He would try to help the servants. It was enough. He was right about my optimism in his abilities because I had no doubt he would find a way. I threw my arms around him, nearly knocking him to the ground. “Thank you, Ronan. I’m so glad I didn’t kill you!”
We spentseveral more minutes on the tower. Mostly I was showing him with a succession of kisses how glad I was I hadn’t killed him. He in turn was busy showing me the many benefits of staying with him at court. He was quite convincing.
At last, he pulled away from me regretfully. “I need to return to the king and report the traitor wizard’s destruction. If I don’t come soon, King Leofric will fear something ill has befallen me.” His eyes ran over me. “And you need to return to your room and burn your clothes lest anyone see them and wonder what you were doing in them.” He stood and helped me up.
My dress was in a horrible state. My sleeve and a piece near the middle were ripped. The front was soiled from where I’d brushed up against the castle wall while I climbed down. I wiped away bits of moss. Were those blood splatters as well?
Ronan looked down at his tunic and robe, torn so that they hung loose from his chest. Not a fitting way to present himself to the king. He took the sides of his tunic, held them together, and said a mending incantation, then did the same with hisrobe. Mending spells were unreliable. The robe was repaired in a haphazard manner which made it clear he’d been in some sort of a brawl. I didn’t bother trying to fix my tears. He was right. I’d have to burn these clothes.
“How do we get down from this tower?” I asked.
“The trap door is underneath those.” He pointed to the rows of large, heavy barrels. “This is the wizards’ tower. We don’t make it easy to access.” He strolled off in the opposite direction, thinking out loud. “I’ll tell King Leofric the foreign wizard was probably part of a plot to keep the king’s marriage and the subsequent union with Odeway from progressing.”
I’d have to turn invisible as soon as we left the tower. Fortunately, the castle guards would open the doors for Ronan. I could slip in at the same time.
I was so engrossed debating what to tell the others about this night that I forgot about my wand until Ronan bent and picked up his. I turned to where mine had fallen. The darkness and the irregular pattern of stone obscured any sight of my knitting needle, but as the wolf, I’d known right where it lay. I scanned that area, taking no notice of the floor by my feet until I stepped on an object. A crack sounded. I stumbled. Two dozen fireflies twirled up from the ground and zipped over the crenelations toward the courtyard.