“I already think you’re stupid.”
It wasn’t true but I was secretly happy when he laughed.
“Touché.” He met my gaze, his eyes shifting to blue as he spoke. “Back then, Jude and I just did what Rafe said.”
“That’s it? That’s your excuse?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t say it was an excuse. You asked me why. I’m telling you. Rafe is… well, you know how he is. There are reasons, but that’s beside the point.”
“Okay, I’ll play,” I said. “Why did you and Jude do whatever Rafe told you to do?”
“The short answer is that we were weak.”
Silence settled between us.
“Sorry, were you expecting me to argue that point?” I asked.
He ran his hand through his hair again. Water dripped down his temples and cheeks. “I should probably know better by now.”
I nodded. “I thought you were quicker on your feet.”
“Ouch,” he said.
“So why did you?” I asked.
“I think it was because my dad died when I was a kid. Rafe was the first dick-swinging asshole who took me under his wing. And what can I say? I was like a fucking abused puppy lapping it up.”
“Lame,” I said.
He nodded. “I know.”
“And Jude?” I asked.
“It’s not for me to tell Jude’s story,” Nolan said.
“What are the reasons?” I asked.
“Reasons?”
“You said there are reasons Rafe is the way he is. What are they?”
“Another story that’s not mine to tell.”
“Were you ever really sorry?”
He nodded and held my gaze. “More than you know.”
“During or after?” I asked.
“Both. You didn’t deserve that.”
“No one does.” It came out harsher than I’d intended, but that didn’t mean I regretted it.
He nodded. “You’re right.” For a long moment, he didn’t say anything. Then he met my gaze. “Do you think you can ever forgive me? Forgive us?”
“I can’t speak to Jude and Rafe. Not knowing their stories, I mean.”
He smiled. “Touché again.”