“But for you…”
He lifted a dark eyebrow. “For me?”
“Jury’s still out.”
He clutched his heart like I’d wounded him. “I deserve that.”
“And more,” I said.
“And more.” He leaned back, seemed to relax. “It’s okay. I can wait.”
“For what?”
He closed his eyes. “Whatever you’re willing to give me, sweetheart.”
The words sounded strangely suggestive — and even more terrifying than a base jump.
20
NOLAN
I was still thinkingabout my exchange with Lilah the next morning in the kitchen. I’d hit the gym early with Jude, then the sauna. Now I was drinking a smoothie while I made chocolate chip pancakes, the news on mute.
Lilah loved chocolate chip pancakes, one of many things I’d learned about her in the month she’d lived with us, little facts I unearthed like an archeologist digging for treasure: slowly, painstakingly, trying not to break anything while I chipped away at a hidden gem.
I’d been at war with myself over whether or not to join her in the hot tub. She’d felt vulnerable when I’d found her coming out of the sauna in Jude’s clothes that first night and I was still trying to make her comfortable at the house, make her feel safe here.
We all were, even though Rafe tried to hide it.
But my avoidance wasn’t entirely selfless. I fuckingdreamedabout the way she’d looked standing outside the sauna, Jude’s tank plastered to her damp skin, her full tits straining the fabric as she crossed her arms over her chest. Her legs were shapely and muscular under the shorts he’d given her to wear, theclothes somehow sexier than any bathing suit she might have worn in another life.
I’d wanted to peel them off her skin, lift the shirt over her head, close my mouth around one of her nipples, sink my fingers into her hot cunt.
Not good.
I was glad my back was turned to Jude. He’d know my raging hard-on was because of Lilah and so far we’d carefully avoided the elephant in the room that was our attraction for the woman we had no business wanting.
And it wasn’t just her body I wanted. I heard the softthump-thumpof her heartbeat in my dreams too. Its rhythm was a lullaby I felt in my bones after all the time I’d spent listening to it through my stethoscope, making sure it was steady, like a fucking nervous parent standing over a newborn’s crib, making sure the baby was still breathing.
I was deep in thought, waiting for two of the pancakes in the pan to turn golden brown, when I heard Rafe behind me.
“Storm has something for us,” he said.
I looked over my shoulder. “On the car?”
Rafe slid onto one of the chairs at the island and opened his laptop with a nod. “Said she could send it to the encrypted account, but I thought we could go in person instead.”
“You just want an excuse to surf.” Jude was drawing something I couldn’t see, his pencil making soft scratching sounds on his sketch pad.
“And?” Rafe didn’t bother looking up from his laptop.
“We did the Peak yesterday,” Jude pointed out, looking up at him. “And the surf’s wild this time of year.”
“And?” Rafe repeated.
Jude and I liked to live on the edge, but Rafe’s need to risk his life was pathological.
“Fine,” Jude muttered, turning his attention back to his sketchbook.