Maybe it was for me too.
But Mom wasn’t done. “He left early, before I could show him all the love I had for him. And you know what I wanna do now? I’m gonna take all that love that he left me with and give it to others. I’m gonna enjoy the time I have now rather than holding on to a past that isn’t making me happy anymore.” Her hand landed on my shoulder. “Are you happy, Dean? Do you truly love hiding the kind man you are underneath being a playboy?”
“No.” I could barely say it, but I knew it was the truth.
“Then why are you wasting your time? Why spend it unhappy when you and I both know that we don’t have a lot of it?”
“It’s easier this way, Mom.”
“Maybe it is easier. But it’s not better. He left us with so many memories, so many lessons of how to live a good life.”
“I don’t remember them,” I said. “I used to, but he’s gone.”
“Then let me remind you.” Her hands returned to mine and she squeezed. “Let meshowyou how to live, even when you’re sad. Even when you’re scared.”
I missed her. I always had, even when I said I was leaving Shady Acres.
“It’s a good thing you’re moving to Strawberry Springs then.”
She nodded, eyes misty. “The distance isn’t good for us. It makes us forget what’s important.”
Mom finally let go, but I wasn’t ready. “Wait?—”
“I just wanna grab one thing,” she said. She walked away and dug through a box to grab something. She came back with a picture of Dad.
“Samuel Briggs,” she said. “You look just like him.”
It hurt to look at the picture. He was so important to me, and he was gone too soon.
“He would hate what I’ve become, wouldn’t he?”
Mom laughed. “No. He could never hate you. He would just tell you to get your shit together and go after Grace. And he would want one other thing.”
I slowly turned. “What’s that?”
Her eyes were wet, but she still smiled. “He would give you the biggest hug.”
A dim memory finally burst forth. He gave the best fucking hugs. He’d wrap us all into his huge arms and pull us to his solid, warm chest.
“I miss those.”
“He’s not here to give them, but I am.” She held her arms out. “And I’d rather give you one, if that’s okay.”
I nodded and nearly fell into her arms. The tears that I’d been hiding for years, the ones for Dad, for Julie, forme, finally broke free.
And Mom and I sat in the weight of it. She held me while all the walls broke, leaving only me.
Just Dean.
I could only hope I would be better on the other side of it.
37
GRACE
Strawberry Springs Neighborhood Watch
Jade Clark:Dean!!! Grace!!! On a date!!!