Then it hits me.This is about his mum.
“Do you think Ilikehiding you from the world? Do you?” Caleb asks desperately, moving in front of me and clasping my upper arms. “I want to take you everywhere. I want you to walk into the paddock with me. I want to see you in the garage. I want to kiss you at the end of a race. Damn it, I just want to take you out for a proper coffee in Monaco. I want everyone to know you’remine.But I can’t. I … don’t want you to be hurt. Because if I brought that to your life, if I caused that hell to be unleashed on you, if you had a breakdown like my mum did, I would never, ever forgive myself.”
Oh my God. His mother had an emotional breakdown after the affair came to light in the public eye.
I stare up into his face. The anger is gone, but it’s replaced by something else.
Fear.
Caleb is the most fearless person I have ever known. He risks his life every time he slips into the cockpit of that car, whether it’s practice or the actual race. I’ve seen footage of him crashing. Escaping a car that has caught on fire.
And he just walks away as if it’s nothing.
But the idea of me being abused by the media and online trolls?He’s terrified of it.
Caleb is afraid that I’m going to be hurt by the social media machine. Fears that it will destroy me like it nearly destroyed his mum.
Fears that he’s going to lose me.
Caleb is desperate to protect me from the media machine that not only destroyed his mum’s mental health, but nearly destroyed his whole family, too. I’m suddenly reminded he’s going to relive this trauma, and the media will be prying into his life on a personal level all over again. I understand now why he’s reacting the way he is.
I blink back tears. I made a vow to protect him from that, and in my anxiety over my career, I lost sight of that.
But as soon as I feel that pain for him, a fire lights within me. History is not going to repeat itself. Not with me, and I will not let it happen to Caleb, either. I will help him face that media barrage. I’ll do anything I can to protect him. If I could absorb all of that for him, I would.
I stare up at the man I’m falling in love with, and I feel nothing but determination inside.I will be there for you,I silently promise him.And we’ll get through this together.
“I’m not your mum,” I say as I put my hands on his face and begin to caress it. “I’mnot. This situation is different.”
He freezes. Caleb’s eyes desperately search mine in reassurance.
“I’m not delusional,” I say softly. “I know going public is going to suck. I might lose my job. If I do, I’ll survive it. Some people will say shitty things on social media. They’ll accuse me of using you to get ahead. Or that I only got into covering motorsports to snag a driver. I know there might even be death threats.”
He flinches underneath my touch at that last sentence, but I continue, softening my tone. “Your mum’s situation was different. She was already vulnerable because of the affair. I’m sure she was emotionally raw. Humiliated at what happened. And as a mother, she had to be horrified by how it impacted you and Catherine. There was turmoil within Collings Motors, a driver was involved, watching your driving suffer, your dad releasing the texts … it was explosive. But this isnothinglike that. You’re remembering it from being in that storm, as a teen. This will not be the same.”
“It’s still going to be big gossip,” Caleb says. “When I think of what could be said about you, I could just about lose my mind.”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m pretty tough,” I say, giving him a soft smile. “And I’m a special features reporter and the host of a goofy interview show. I’m not providing objective analysis of a race. That changes the picture a bit.”
“Isla, don’t underestimate this,” he warns. “This is different. People are not just going to go after your work, but after everything about you. From how you dress to the freckles on your face to questioning your morals. And they will say it in the worst way possible. They’ll print false stories about you. About me. And be prepared to read how I’m cheating on you because that’s a favorite one for drivers with girlfriends. There will be videos across every channel you can think of with people providing commentary on us, and most of it will be false and ugly. There could be AI-generated images of me or you or us that have no basis in reality, too.”
I swallow hard. I know he’s right. I would be a liar if I were to say those thoughts weren’t disturbing. And making me feel a bit sick right now.
But I’ll be damned if I live a life being afraid of what people are going to say about me.
“I’m not underestimating it,” I say quietly. “I’ve already experienced some of that from being on TV. Don’t forget that.”
“That’s not the same and you know it,” Caleb says, moving his hands up and down my arms. “This spotlight is not like anything you’ve experienced. This is aglobalone.”
My stomach churns. That is one huge difference with him being a Formula 1 star. I can get hate from all over the world because of what a worldwide celebrity he is.
Yay me.
But if that’s what I have to do to be with this man?I don’t care.
“I know. We did the right thing by staying under the radar while we got to know each other. But it’s time to take that next step.”
“And you’resureabout this?”