I have to bite back from blurting out that I’ve been sure about him from the first time we had coffee together in Italy. “I’m so sure. What about you? Are we in agreement on this?”
He exhales. “I know you’re right. And you were right with the other things you said. I was thinking of all the trauma my mum went through. Maybe it’s time to open that box with my therapist.”
I move my hands to his chest, flattening one of my palms over his heart so I can feel its beat. He puts one of his large hands over mine, holding it in place. “I think you should bring it up with Jason,” I say, referring to his sports psychologist. “He can help you through this and reconciling the past with the present.”
Caleb nods. I’m grateful he’s going to address it.
“I love that you want to protect me so much,” I tell him. “But that was your mum’s experience. It won’t be mine.”
He nods again. “I’m going to trust you on that.”
“We both have to face some things that make us uncomfortable,” I say. “I have to confront the fact that I’ve kept apretty big secret from my dream employer. For a rules girl, that’s a pretty big rule to break.”
“You had a good reason to break that rule. Not everything is black and white.”
I think about that. Caleb is right. Some rules are meant to be broken, and this was one of them. It gave me time to do more reporting for The Downforce Network, to show them what I’m capable of. So if they have ideas of cutting me, they might have second thoughts based on what I’ve been able to give them.
“You’re right,” I say. “The secret was kept for the right reasons. I think you have the bigger thing to face, and I wish I could take it away from you. I feel sick when I think of you having to deal with the media digging into your personal life.”
“Let them dig. I don’t care.”
We smile at one another. Maybe this is another reason we’re together. We’re growing and changing and already becoming better people because of each other. We’re both going to do some hard things, but I know I can face them.
And Caleb thinks so, too.
“Here’s what I think we should do,” I say. “Let’s tell The Downforce Network. We’ll be seen together, but we won’t officially confirm a relationship. I won’t hold your hand in public, but if I want to stand in the back of the garage and support you, I will.”
“No, you were right. We should hard launch,” Caleb says, determination flickering in his eyes. “I’m not the same sixteen-year-old kid who lived through that the first time. That situation was different. It was a messy affair with a driver. We aren’t nearly as interesting as that.”
“I love that you want to do that, but this decision has to be good for both of us. I was short-sighted of that before, and I can’t apologize enough for that. I’m so sorry, Caleb. Please forgive me.”
“Hey,” he says, lifting his other hand and putting a finger underneath my chin to tilt it up. “I’m the one who is sorry for not hearing you at first.”
“So in our next argument, we’ll do better,” I say, smiling at him.
“Yeah, we will,” he says, his mouth curving up in amusement.
I grow serious again. “But I really think we should soft launch. No PDA, no confirmation of a relationship, but we’ll be seen together. I’ll watch the race from your garage, but I won’t rush up and congratulate you after the race. There’s no need to give the world anything else right now.”
Caleb nods. “Okay, I can agree to that.”
“I think you’ve also learned that not everyone in the press is going to exploit and manipulate you. Will they always say things you like? No. Will they dissect your performance on the track in a way that might piss you off? Yes. But most of them are just doing their jobs.”
He scowls. “No. You’re the only reporter I’ve ever liked. Full stop.”
I giggle at that, and he clears his throat. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted. All I wanted was to protect you for as long as I could. I know you could lose your job because of me. Suffer all kinds of online abuse simply because you chose me. I … I could lose you. And I can’t bear that.”
“No matter what happens, I’m staying with you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
He drops another kiss on my lips.
“I want to talk through the details of how and when this is going to happen,” Caleb says, dragging his thumb up and down the back of my hand. “But there’s one thing that’s bothering me, and I need to take care of it first.”
I furrow my brow. “What?”