“You did?”The look on Jem’s face wasn’t flattering, so Tean hurried to say, “But you were so good at it.”And that didn’t exactly make things better.“You told me you liked it.”
“I did like it.I mean, I didn’t.I hated it.Obviously.”
And that sentence collapsed into a morose silence.
Tean was sure there was a better, more boyfriendly response, but what came out was “You can understand why that might be confusing, though, right?”
In the darkened interior of the car, with the only light filtering in from the Sonic parking lot, Jem’s grin was a sudden gleam of white.“I guess I liked it.Or the idea of it.At the beginning.But God, Little Dick wassucha little dick.From the very beginning.And I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stand him.I knew I was going tohatehim.And that place is shady as shit, even by my standards.But selling cars sounded cool, and I was always good at, you know—”
“Getting people to do what you want?”
“Hey!”
“Tell me I’m wrong.”
“Well, no.But not you.”
“Really?Because that woman from McDonald’s knows my name, Jem.I saw her at the gas station, and she said hi to me.”
“Oh God, did you say hi back?Because Sheila is the fucking shit, and if she’s pissed at us—”
“Jeremiah.”
“Okay, yes.And the money was good, and we needed the money, and it’s not like I can do anything else, and…” He scratched his beard, still staring out the windshield.“I get it.I love you.I want to be with you.And that means having a real job and a real life and not—not the way things used to be.It’s just hard, you know?I’m not good at it.At this whole…life.And I keep thinking if I fuck up—” He stopped.His throat moved once as he swallowed.
“I love you,” Tean said.“More than anyone else in the entire world.If you don’t want to sell cars, Jem, you don’t have to sell cars.There are so many things you can do.You’re so smart.You’re so good at everything.You can go back to school—”
“Yeah, well, I’m not good at reading, so I’m not good at everything.”The words had a stiff defensiveness.“And I can’t go back to school because we’ve got a house and mortgage payments and—and bills and shit, Tean.And believe it or not, people don’t want to hire you if your resume is blank for the last twenty years.”
“Okay,” Tean said.“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”His voice turned wry.“I didn’t get that far.”
A quiet laugh slipped out of Tean.
“I’ll figure it out,” Jem said.“No shady shit, either.I promise.But I won’t let you down.I’ll find a way to get the money—”
“Jem.”
“—and I know you don’t like putting stuff on credit cards, so we won’t do that—”
“Jem.”
“—and Scipio still has to have his treat budget, but maybe, like, not thosereallyexpensive pizzles—”
Tean gave his hand a shake.“Jem.”
Jem turned to face him.
“I don’t care about that fucking house.I don’t care about the fucking credit cards.I care about you.I love you.I want you.”
Jem’s eyes looked like quicksilver.His mouth moved once, the tell almost lost in the car’s shadows.In a rough voice, he whispered, “And Scipio.”
“Of course Scipio.If we have to sell the house, fine.If we have to find an apartment, fine.You don’t have to work at a job you hate.You don’t have to be someone you don’t want to be.I don’twantyou to be anyone else.I want you to be Jem Berger.Because I love Jem Berger.”
Jem wiped his eyes on his shoulder.Voice still scratchy, he said, “Yeah.”And a moment later, “Thanks.”
The hum of traffic slid between them.It was soft, and strangely comforting, and Tean let himself relax into it until the sound became almost hypnotic.When he finally spoke, he said, “I’m sorry I screwed everything up.”