“Great job, sis,” I congratulate. “You smashed it.”
She brims with pride. “I can’t believe I did it. I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke or stumble and fall on my ass.” She giggles.
“Darling, you were superb. You hid your nerves well. That is the sign of a true professional. You’ve done us proud. You will be talked about for months.” My mother beams.
Dad nods in agreement. “Truly wonderful.”
My mother looks at me and says, “What your sister has done is magnificent! This is what you must strive for. Then you too will know how it feels to have such accolades thrown your way. What are you waiting for?”
“Mom.” Christina pulls a face at my mother, indicating that she wants her to stop talking. “Alyssa is doing great.”
“I don’t see working at a strip club as doing great.” My father screws up his nose.
Why do we always have this conversation whenever I talk with my parents? It’s come to the point where I’d rather avoid them.
“Let’s go for a drink. There’s a cute bar two minutes up the street I’ve heard good things about.” Christina, obviously picking up on the tension, tries to distract us.
“Another time. I have an early appointment in the morning. Before I go, you might be interested to know I’ve landed a principal role in the musicalMoulin Rouge.”
My parents’ eyes widen with shock.
Christina beams with pride. “Lyssi, that’s amazing! Congratulations.” She throws her arms around my neck. “I can’t wait to watch you.”
My parents’ shocked expressions dissolve into relief. “Finally.” My mother sighs dramatically with her hand on her chest. “We thought this day would never come.”
Oh…wow…okay. So much for having any faith in me. Did they ever believe I had talent? Or did they push me only because a career on stage was the only option for their daughter?
“Don’t sound so excited,” I say with sarcasm.
My mother rolls her eyes. “Of course we’re excited. Now you finally have a respectable job. I’m proud of you, darling.” She gives my cheeks air-kisses.
My father pats me on the back. “Well done. This is good news.”
After years of wanting them to be proud of me, I’ve finally heard the words. Why don’t they fill me with happiness? This is the most affection I’ve received from them, and it’s because I’m on Broadway.Dance somewhere respectable and we will love you. Land a leading role and we will love you.Just be me with an ordinary job…not acceptable.
Leaving the theatre, I should be feeling exhilarated after giving my parents my news. I should be beaming with pride because I’ve made them happy. Instead, I walk heavy-legged to the subway. My heart knows what I’m too afraid to say out loud. My parents’ love comes with conditions.
The next morning, after ending a call with my agent, I stare blankly at the phone in my hand. If Davey had hit me over the head with a brick, I’d be less shocked. One detail about our conversation I had to ask him to repeat five times before I understood what he was saying. How could I have not known that the musical I’d auditioned for is showing in London? Davey said he’d mentioned it when he sent me for the audition. Did he?
It’s freaking London! How would I have missed that information? Maybe because I’ve been so stressed with auditions, an injured ankle, my parents on my back, and the mess with Hayden, that it got lost in translation.
Holy shit! London. Can I do it? Can I move to the other side of the world to chase my dreams when everyone I know and love is here? My friends… Hayden.
I fold my legs up onto the couch. Would he care if I go? He hasn’t contacted me in over a week. Not to talk. Not for Lily’s private lesson. When he drops her off for class, he gives me a ghost of a smile then leaves. It’s the same when he picks her up. I don’t even know what happened with Rachel.
Our relationship sizzled before it began. Maybe I can scratch him from the list of people I’d be leaving. Tucking my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around my legs. How can he tell me he loves me then walk away like I mean nothing?
Anger percolates in my gut. How can he be so heartless? Playing with my feelings is not okay. If you love someone, no matter what happens, you should be able to work through it together. Not push them away. Not act like nothing has happened.
I pick up the phone and dial his number. The call goes straight to voicemail. I hold out the phone and look at it with disgust. Ishe ignoring me? I bring it back to my ear and wait until his I’m-not-available message finishes. When it’s time to speak, I stand. With my hand on my hip, I pace the room.
“Hayden, it’s Alyssa. OrTwinkle Toesas you like to call me. Remember me? The woman you’ve slept with. The woman you told you loved. The woman you’re now ghosting. Well, I’m calling to tell you I don’t like being ignored. You are with me or you’re not. From the way you’re behaving, I’m guessing you’re not. Since you won’t speak to me face to face, I’m calling to tell you I have news—big news. But since you won’t answer my call, you’ll never know what it is. It’s been fun for all of two seconds. See you around. Or not.” I disconnect the call so hard I’m surprised I don’t shatter the phone screen.
The screen isn’t the only thing that’s at risk of shattering. My heart isn’t too stable. At any moment, it’s going to crumble into a million tiny pieces.
I continue to pace the room until the adrenaline from the call wears off. My legs shake, and I sink onto the couch. Resting my elbows on my knees, I drop my head into my hands and take deep, shuddery breaths.
Crap! What did I do? Why did I have to call Hayden and spill my guts? Groaning, I wish I had a rewind button so I could go back in time and never make that call. I sit up straight. Maybe I can ask Harper to sneak into his office, steal his phone, and delete the message. I sag into the cushions of the couch. This isn’t a Hollywood movie. Damn it.