I know it’s marionberry jam because I ordered it from the grocery store, along with some of his other favorite foods.
“Hey, Finn! I missed you.”
Finn rolls his eyes. “You saw me yesterday.” He takes a bite from his jam-filled croissant.
“If only you weren’t too busy with tee-ball practice and homework to talk to me.”
Finn laughs. “I don’t have homework.”
“Why aren’t you calling me three times a day, then?” He has a good grasp on my sarcasm, but I wink just in case. “Your game is tomorrow, right? How do you feel?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
Shay told me he’s been pretty bummed about Morgan not being able to come.
“Hey, Finn.” I lower my voice, and inch closer, curling my hand around my lips. “Do you think Auntie Shay could film your game so me and Morgan can watch it?”
Finn practically levitates out of his chair. “Auntie, can you?”
“Sure, baby.” She appears behind him, and hands him a napkin, nails sparkling with the same glittery peach nail polish Finn’s wearing. “Five more minutes, then we have to go, okay?”
He nods, then returns his focus to me. “I’m so excited. You didn’t get to see last time!”
“No. I was there.”
His forehead wrinkles like Seb’s used to. “Huh?”
“I couldn’t stay long, so I watched from my truck.” Read: I was too afraid that Morgan or Finn would catch me. “You were the MVP! I didn’t see anyone else steal third base.”
I’m not just saying that because he’s my nephew. Both teams were terrible, but he was definitely less terrible than everyone else.
He beams. “I can’t believe you saw that!”
“Yep. There was no way I was going to miss it.”
He smiles and nods, then takes another bite of his croissant. We’re both silent as he polishes it off.
“Hey, Finn?”
“Yeah?”
“As long as you have fun and are a good friend, you’ll always win. Doesn’t matter what the score is.”
“Thanks, Uncle.”
I take a deep breath. “That’s what your dad used to tell me.”
His brows dart up. “He did?”
“Yeah. I used to get so nervous. I wanted to be as good as him.” I thought if I was, my dad would love me too. Damn, I feel bad for the kid version of me. “But your dad always made me feel brave.”
“Me too,” Finn says.
My heart cracks and repairs and cracks again as I grieve the last year that I didn’t share with Finn, as I grieve the insurmountable loss of my brother. Morgan was right. I hid from my feelings and my family. I never grieved.
Thank god for the resiliency of kids because just when I worry we’re both going to burst into tears, Finn says, “What’s your favorite animal?”
“Hm.” I feign a pensive pout, then snap my fingers. “Orcas.”