“I can’t do this.” I can’t exist in a constant state of pain and regret.
Morgan frames my face. “You can do anything. You cheated death for fuck’s sake. Please. Let’s go back to bed. I’ll drive you home in the morning. Finn will be devastated if he wakes up without you.”
“I know.” I nod, taking his hands with me. “I’m sorry. Tell him whatever you want. Tell him I love him. Tell him I?—”
He silences me with a kiss that steals the breath from my lungs and breaks my heart into shards. It’s the first time I’ve tasted his lips since I kicked him out. I want to give in, but in the end, I find my strength and push him away.
“Cole, please,” Morgan begs unashamedly.
This kind of shit is why I need to cut them both loose. I turn to go, but he seizes my hand, and links our fingers.
“Ignore me all you want. Punish me to punish yourself. Hurt me because you don’t think you deserve me. Fine. I’ll take that too. But I won’t let you hurt Finn.”
I yank my hand free.
“Cole! I’m serious. If you abandon Finn, we’re done.”
“Don’t put your guilt on me. You abandoned Finn by choosing me over Seb.”
He laughs, dry and harsh. “Really? You’re going to take it there?”
I shrug and walk away.
“The shipyard offered me to go full time,” he calls after me. “The money’s not as good, but it’s stable work.”
I whip around so fast, I forget screws and duct tape are the only thing holding my skeleton together. “You’re quitting theBriar?”
Maybe I kicked him out, maybe we’re headed to divorce, butquitting theBriar Anterosis worse than a divorce. He’s worked there every year since he moved in with us. He built his life around keeping his position on the boat, like he thought we’d get rid of him if he wasn’t useful, which was understandable, given his shithead parents. But it means that losing Morgan is losing my right hand, my compass, my second in command, an engineer who knowsBriarbetter than anyone except the man who built her.
“It’s the first season after losing Seb, my first season as captain, and you’re not going to be there?” I shake my head, one sharp jerk that lances pain down my spine. “No. You don’t get to quit. I never asked you to save me, and now you’re leaving me?” My pulse pounds in my temple as fear and fury and reckless resignation fill me. “Right. Well, message received.” I salute him. “I’ll hire someone to fill your position.”
“I’m not leaving theBriar. I’m staying home this year, and I want you to stay home with me. I already talked to Wes. He’s down to skipper for half our share, and willing to train another deckhand. You need distance. Your body needs to heal. Your heart. We need to fixus.”
“You don’t get it. Ihaveto go. I can’t stay home.”
I need to return to where I lost Seb. We never found his body. I need to bury him at sea, the way our family has for generations. I need to prove that he didn’t die for me to destroy our legacy.
“Then explain it to me.”
“No, thanks.”
“At least let me drive you home.”
I shake my head and start walking again.
“You know you’re not the only one who lost someone, right?” Morgan says, closing the distance. “If we’re arm wrestling over who has the most trauma, I’ll slam your hand to the table every time. You lost your mom and dad? Me too. You lost Seb, but I lost him too. I lost him, and then I lost my husband. You and Finn are my only family.”
“You and Shay look comfortable. Do you like playing house with her? Maybe she’s the family you and Finn need.”
I don’t even mean it. I’m just an asshole now.
“Shay and I are friends. She’s not my family. She’s not you.”
“I keep thinking about what Dr. Evans said at our first visit.”
“You mean our only visit?”
Whatever. That’s not the point. “He said sometimes the only thing a marriage counselor can do is help two people realize that the best thing for both of them is to no longer be together.”