Learned.
Fuck.
In that moment, I saw the truth.
This isn’t about me at all. This is memory. Habit. A version of Theo that learned how to be acceptable in bed.
I sat up slowly, giving Theo time to pull away if he wanted to. Theo didn’t move when I cupped his face.
“You don’t have to perform for me,” I said softly. “You don’t have to be good at this.”
Theo laughed, a weak sound. “That’s all I know how to be.”
My throat tightened. “Then let’s try something else, just for a second.”
“Like what?”
“Stay,” I said simply. “Here, with me.” Theo’s breathing hitched, and my heart raced. “You don’t need to disappear.” I kept my voice steady. “I want to see you. Even if it’s messy.”
Theo swallowed. “I don’t know how to stop.”
I smiled. “Then I’ll help.” I lay back down, my arms wide. “I’ve got you.”
Theo stared at me, and then slowly, he covered me with his body. His breathing changed as a sound slipped from his lips, rough, almost startled, and as noticeable as the lightning that lit up the night sky. Then he stiffened, as if bracing for correction.
I didn’t hesitate. I gazed at Theo with wide eyes. “That’s—Theo, that’s beautiful.”
Another sound escaped him, softer this time, and I felt a rush of fierce tenderness.
This is what I want.
Theo pressed his forehead to mine, his breathing rapid. “I didn’t know it could feel like this,” he whispered.
I smiled, my eyes burning with unshed tears. “That’s because you’re not alone in it.” I stroked Theo’s cheek. “I want you inside me.”
Theo nodded. He applied more lube, then helped me onto my side. He lay behind me, grabbed my thigh and lifted it, then slid his dick home.
I groaned. “Oh yeah, just like that.” I turned my head toward Theo, and we kissed. Theo began to move, only now with less control. His arm was under my neck, and he laced our fingers, his hips rolling, his breathing staccato. When a low moan rolled out of him, my heart soared.
“Thereyou are,” I groaned. “I love hearing you. Don’t be quiet with me.”
Theo kissed my neck, picking up the pace, and I knew for the first time how it felt to be on fire, to have every cell in my body alive and singing, exulting in the sensations coursing through me.
Then he changed position, and I stared into his eyes as Theo lay between my thighs, rocking his hips, filling me, kissing me, pushing me closer to the orgasm I knew was right there, waiting for me.
“I… I can’t hold it back,” Theo gasped.
“Then don’t,” I flung at him. “Come. Let me feel it.” I wrapped my arms around Theo and held on. And when Theo froze once more, this time a groan tumbled from his lips and I was aware of warmth filling me, the throb of Theo’s cock insideme, Theo’s lips against mine, thethumpof Theo’s heart against my own.
“Oh God, Ifeelyou,” I cried out.
Theo lay on top of me, shaking, gasping, and I breathed slowly, deliberately, until Theo’s breathing matched mine. I stroked Theo’s back in slow circles, tracing the same soothing path again and again.
“I’ve got you,” I said quietly. “You’re safe. I’m here.” It didn’t matter that I hadn’t come yet. I knew Theo wouldn’t leave me hanging.
He’s still inside me.
Theo let out another breath, one that came from someplace deep. He knelt up. Then warm fingers circled my cock, and I moaned.