I nodded. “Slow is good.”
I’ve waited this long, I don’t want it to be over in seconds.
I tried to breathe normally, but that was never going to happen, not when Theo’s warm, hard cock slid into my body, filling me, stretching me, making me want more of it.
I bit my lip. “Fuck. You feel so big.”
He stilled. “Tell me when you want me to move.”
I groaned. “Now, for God’s sake.”
Theo grasped my ankles, rocking in and out of my hole, his gaze focused on my face.
I wanted to cry out, to tell him how good it was, better than all my fantasies, but something tugged at my senses. Then I noticed how quiet Theo was. Not the good kind, the hush that falls when something feels sacred, but a kind that felt… managed.
Theo moved carefully above me, every motion precise, as though he was executing something he’d done a thousand times, his breathing steady, his face unreadable.
My heartbeat stuttered.
He isn’t looking at me so much as through me.
Okay, this was my first time, and I had absolutely nothing to compare the experience to, but I knew what presence felt like, and one thing was crystal clear.
Theo isn’t fully here.
I couldn’t help but respond to the feel of Theo’s shaft sliding in and out of me, but my mind kept snagging on the same thought.
Is he enjoying this at all?
My own breathing was shallow, ragged. Theo didn’t make a sound. No involuntary noise. Nothing to suggest he was feeling anything beyond concentration.
I slid my hand along Theo’s arm, grounding myself. I waited a beat, then another.
No reaction.
I swallowed. “Theo.”
He stilled immediately, as though he’d been caught doing something wrong. “Yes?”
I searched his face, my heart pounding harder than it had all the time Theo had kissed me, prepped me.
“You’re really quiet,” I said at last. “I can’t tell if you’re with me.”
Theo blinked. “I’m fine,” he replied quickly. “I want this.”
I believed him, but that wasn’t the problem.
I hesitated, then ignored my nerves. “This is new for me. And I need to know you’re actually enjoying it.”
Theo froze, and I felt the tension rippling through Theo’s body like a wire pulled too tight.
My chest tightened. “Hey, it’s okay. We can stop. Or slow down. Or just—talk. I promise I’m okay with any of that.”
Something raw flicked across Theo’s face. “No, I don’t want to stop.”
I forced myself to breathe evenly. “Okay. Then help me understand.”
Theo pulled free of me, and the ache that followed made my heart sink. Theo exhaled. “I don’t react much. I focus. That’s how I learned.” His voice was so freaking quiet.