“Yeah,” he said in a quiet voice. “I was once an in-the-closet teenager, scared of the feelings I had for other guys. Didn’t stop me thinking about them though. Or thinking about them when I was getting off. And for far longer than I should have, every time I got off, I felt that way. Actually, I felt a lot worse than ‘post-nut clarity’ makes it sound. Because I wasn’t actually feeling clarity. I was feeling regret, guilt, and a whole lot of self-hate because of something that didn’t require any of those emotions. So yeah, Xander, I have.”
God, I hated when people found the perfect way to take the wind out of my furious sails.
“I’m gonna go,” he said as he yanked his clothes back on. “I have a hot shower I still need to take, and sleep that is long overdue after today. When you figure out what you actually wanted to say to me tonight, find me. Otherwise? Good night.”
I watched him go, my heart tripping nervously over itself. “About…tonight.”
“What did I say?”
“No, I mean…the guys.”
His expression went flat. “You know, I’m beginning to think you don’t trust me, Xander. Although I’ve given you no reason to believe otherwise. I’ve been cooperative, capable, professional, and more tolerant of your shitty attitude than a lot of people. In fact, I’m a goddamn great candidate for this job at this exact location considering the circumstances. And on top of that, I’m damn good at giving head.”
I blinked. “Not exactly lacking in pride.”
“It’s all the truth; I don’t care if that’s arrogant,” he said, opening the door. “So maybe think about how you can be a grumpy assholewithouttreating me like shit.”
“Or?” I had to ask.
“Or…you’ll find out,” he said with a shrug, and the door closed.
“Arrogant prick,” I muttered, but even I could hear there wasn’t a whole lot of anger in my voice.
He might have had some good points I should consider. Not the head thing.
Well, maybe the head thing.
“Fuck my life,” I muttered, snagging the half-empty bottle of whiskey. I was going to need its companionship for a while longer.
COLIN
Leaning back in the chair,I stared up at the dining area ceiling and groaned, tilting my head from one side to the next with a sigh. I had fallen asleep instantly after my extended shower, though it was probably more accurate to say I had passed out. Apparently, I hadn’t moved in my sleep because my neck had been stiff the entire day and I was irritated with its constant, nagging presence.
I heard someone enter and grunt. “That’s so not fucking fair.”
Opening my eyes, I raised my brow at Carter, who was pouring himself a cup of coffee. “What’s not fair?”
“You were up even later than the rest of us from what I heard, and you don’t even look fucking tired,” he muttered, and I watched as he joined me at the table, sitting across from me. “Hell, you look like you’re in a good mood.”
“It’s a special technique called…I’ve had far worse and longer nights than last night, that’s for sure,” I said, leaving out the fact that part of that long night had been a long dick in my throat. Long and thick. Mmm, good memory, even if the moments before and after were a little more dubious. Of course, I’d yet to experience the fallout from last night since Xander had yet to make an appearance. I wondered if he was going to avoid metoday, and if he did, that would beg the question of how long he was going to avoid me.
Men could be so dramatic sometimes.
“Jake told me you served,” he said with a frown at his coffee cup. “Also told me what it’s like, being a Marine like him, and how they are about guys like you.”
I chuckled. “It probably should have occurred to me to warn you guys that the little crayon eaters can be awfully protective of their docs. Nice to see he’s still…very much Jake.”
“What do you mean?”
“He threw down with you without hesitation last night, but today? Today he sat you down and explained shit. And I bet he was that same goofy idiot he’s been from the moment he picked me up from the airport.”
Carter blinked and then grinned. “Of course he was. I dunno if he can even hold a grudge.”
“Probably, but I’m afraid to think about what could piss him off so much he’d hold on long enough to be a grudge,” I admitted.
Carter chuckled. “He was right though, about keeping your ass safe. You’re the guy who’s going to keep us in one piece if something goes tits up, and you’re the one we’re going to have to turn to if someone we’re trying to help needs your skills…and brains. It wouldn’t have done anyone any good last night if you had slipped down that slope and busted your head open.”
I nodded. “That’s a fair point.”