That’s right, you coward. Look away.
It’s no secret that Kellerman and I have history. My teammates know about our college rivalry—dorming together while playing on the same team, constantly trying to outshine the other to get noticed by the scouts; they know about his shit attitude when all I did was try to be his friend; and they know about us vying for the same girl’s attention sophomore year.
What they don’t know is how much deeper our relationship went during that time.
It’s not that I’m ashamed to tell my friends about that part of the story. I’m open with my sexual orientation, and they know I’ve been with men in addition to women.
It’s Kellerman’s secret that I’m keeping.
He came from a broken home with an alcoholic homophobe for a father, so he’s kept his sexuality under wraps his whole life. It was beyond frustrating to watch him conceal his true self. I’ve always been out in the open with who I am, so I can’t understand that kind of mentality.
Be who you are, and fuck anyone who doesn’t accept that.
A lot happened between us over the course of those four college years, leading to a blowout fight after graduation. Landing spots on rival NHL teams only drove the wedge further between us. Now, the only time we speak is with our fists on the ice.
“We’ll have one beer, and then we’ll leave.” Jason slides onto the stool beside me. “I’m not getting into a bar fight tonight.”
I scoff. “Who said anything about fighting?”
Jason shoots me a dubious look. “There’s always fighting when the two of you are involved.”
Jeff, the owner of the pub, places a bottle of Corona down in front of each of us. “You boys want me to throw them out?”
“Nah, let’s send them a round of drinks instead.” I wink at him. “Something fruity.”
Jason stifles a groan beside me. “Here we fucking go.”
Jeff grins. “Four strawberry daiquiris coming right up.”
“Oh! With little umbrellas in them,” I add, making Jeff chuckle.
Jason gulps down his beer like he’s in a rush. “Why do you have to instigate?”
I grin. “Because it’s fun.”
“There’s four of them, and two of us.”
“I thought you said you’re not getting into a bar fight?”
He rolls his eyes. “I can’t just leave you in here to fend for yourself. I would, if I thought it’d teach you a lesson.”
I shrug. “I’m just unteachable.”
Jason shakes his head. “How have you been doing? You don’t seem like yourself since you ended things with Erika.”
Erika and I flirted for a while, being the only single ones in our friend group, but she pumped the brakes when I wanted to take things further. She’d just recovered from vaginoplasty, transitioning from a man to a woman, and she wasn’t ready to get into a serious relationship.
“We want two different things, and that’s okay. She’s been through a lot and she needs to find out who she is.”
Jason nods. “I can’t imagine going from being a man my whole life to transitioning to a woman. It must feel like she’s starting a new life.”
“Erika felt like she was a woman the whole time she was a man, so I don’t think it’s as new or scary as it might seem to us. But when it comes to dating and her new body, she has a lot to experience.”
I’d never take that away from her. She deserves to experience life the way we all have—those of us who’ve been lucky enough to feel comfortable in our own bodies. Besides, we weren’t going to be an epic love story. Now, she’s one of my closest friends, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
“So, if you’re cool with Erika, then what is it?” Jason presses.
“It’s hard being the only single friend in our group. I never had a problem with it before, but recently...” I stare down at my beer. “I think Cassidy’s romance books are messing with my head or something. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m surrounded by married people. Maybe monogamy and commitment are contagious, and they’ve rubbed off on me.”