Downstairs, I found the guys in the living room eating pizza.
“She’s alive,” Jet said with mock surprise on his face.
Van hit him in the back of the head, making him scowl.
“How are you doing, Slick?”
I sat next to Kill, pulling my knees into my chest so I could rest my head on them.
“I’m alive,” I replied.
Jet looked at Van as if he’d been validated in some way. Van just rolled his eyes.
“Do you want something to eat?” D asked, glancing between me and Kill. I could see him mentally calculating the distance between the two of us, wondering if we were leaning into each other more than we should be. Although I felt better, I didn’t have the strength to deal with D’s obsession with my relationship with Kill. I chose to ignore his stare, answering his question instead.
“I'm hungry, but I don’t think I'm ready to try real food just yet.”
I could tell D wanted to say more, but he went back to his pizza. Kill nudged me with his shoulder, and even though I didn’t feel completely human, seeing his face made me feel like all was right in the world. My stomach rumbled at the smell of the pizza wafting through the air.
"You should try to eat. You'll feel better," Kill said, sliding his plate closer to me.
I grabbed the piece and took a tentative bite, not trusting myself to try a whole slice just yet. Kill tried to hide his smile at my eagerness to comply, but I caught it and nudged him back. We ended up passing his food back and forth, not saying a word to each other.
D stared at us, and I smiled back. I needed to talk to him soon. When he got up and went to the kitchen to get something to drink, I figured now was as good a time as any other, so I followed him.
His face registered shock when I walked past him and leaned on the kitchen counter for support. He stared at me, and I took a deep breath, wanting to get this awkwardness out of the way quickly.
“We need to talk.”
He began to bristle, but I plowed on, not letting him distract me.
“D, what's up? I get that you have warned me away from Kill. What I don't get is why you’re constantly putting down our relationship, or any other guy around me for that matter. I don't like this tension between us, and I don't know how to fix it."
His eyes narrowed, and I waited for him unleash some serious anger on me. I braced myself more firmly against the counter. "Has Kill told you how we met?" he asked quietly.
"He's told me some."
"So, you're aware my mother is a crackwhore, and the only time she fought for me was when she needed money."
I nodded my head, unable to speak.
"I like stability. I grew up not knowing if the electricity was going to be on, or if my mom would be alive when I got home from school. I don't like the unknown."
"I understand that D. What does that have to do with me and Kill?"
"Kill's the leader of this band, and in a way, this family. He's stable. He may have been with a different girl every night, but he never would do anything to hurt the band or our family. With you, he's unpredictable. He thinks you could be the one, and when one of you inevitably hurts the other, this family is going to suffer. I don't want either of you to get hurt—or any of the rest of us either."
"I still don't understand. Sometimes you act like you have a thing for me."
D laughed. "I'm not good with people. I didn't mean for it to come off like that. I just wanted you to recognize how bad you two would be together."
"But you were mean to other guys who hit on me as well," I shot back.
"I don't want to see you get hurt."
"What's going to happen whenyoufind the one you're willing to risk your stable world for?"
"I don't believe in love like that. I love my brothers, and I’ve come to love you. A true love between a man and a woman doesn't exist. Believe me, I watched my mom seek it out almost daily. And if you need an example closer to home, look at how much Jessie hurts Van," he growled.