"But I want to be there for you," I insisted.
He paused, finally looking at me directly. The pain in his eyes was so raw it made my breath catch. "I know. But I need to handle this, Z. My brother just got murdered. I need to find out what the fuck happened."
Something in his tone sent a chill down my spine. "Jamie, don't do no stupid shit, don’t forget JJ still needs his daddy."
"My nephew needs his daddy too, but that ain't happening now, is it?" Jamie snapped, grabbing his keys and wallet. "Gizmo gotta a ten-year-old son who's gonna grow up without a father because somebody decided to put two bullets in him."
I set JJ down, kneeling to his level. "Baby, go pick out which shirt you want to wear to daycare, okay? The blue one or the red one."
Once JJ had scampered off, I grabbed Jamie's arm. "Listen to me. I know you're hurting but promise me you won't do anythingthat'll take you away from us. Your brother was in the streets, Jamie. You know that life comes with risks."
"Don't talk about him like that," Jamie hissed.
"I'm sorry," I said, softening my tone. "You know I loved Gizmo. He was good to us, good to JJ. I'm just scared for you."
Jamie's shoulders slumped, the anger draining out of him as quickly as it had come, replaced by a grief so profound it hurt to witness. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his body shake with silent sobs.
"He was just here yesterday," Jamie whispered against my hair. "he said he was handling some big business deal this week. Now he's gone. Just like that."
I held him tighter, my own tears falling for the complicated man who'd been more of a provider for my son than his own father had been. Whatever Gizmo did in the streets, he'd loved his family fiercely. Always made sure his mama had everything she needed. He made sure Jamie and I didn't get evicted when times were rough. And he treated JJ like a prince.
"I'll call my brother," I said quietly. "Sosa probably knows something."
Jamie pulled back, wiping his eyes. "Yeah, see whats up. Gizmo always liked Sosa, he used to say that he was one of the few real niggas left out here," I nodded, thinking about my big brother. Sosa and I had different fathers but the same mother, not that she'd been much of one to either of us. Me and my brother didn't talk as much these days, with him deep in his own street business, but he always came through when I needed him.
"I'll tell him," I promised. "Now go be with your mom. Call me if you need anything."
Jamie nodded, pressing a kiss to my forehead before heading to JJ's room to say goodbye. I watched him kneel down, explaining something to our son in a gentle voice I hadn't heardfrom him in months. JJ threw his little arms around his daddy's neck, and for a moment, my heart ached.
Once Jamie was gone, I moved on autopilot, getting JJ ready for daycare while my mind raced. Gizmo's death wouldn't just mean grief for Jamie's family, it could mean financial disaster for us as well. Without his brother's handouts, how would we manage? Jamie barely contributed as it was, and my salary only stretched so far. But that was a problem for tomorrow. Today was for grieving.
I dropped JJ at daycare then sat in my car making calls. First to work, explaining the family emergency. Then to my brother.
"Yo," Sosa answered on the third ring, sounding like he'd just woken up.
"Hey, little brother," I said, my voice cracking slightly. "I just got some bad news.”
“What’s good?”
“Jamie’s brother, Gizmo got killed last night."
There was silence on the other end, then a low whistle. "Fuck. Straight up?"
"Yeah. Jamie just left for his mama's house. I don't know all the details, just that he was shot outside some gambling spot."
"You good? How Jamie holding up?"
"I'm okay. Jamie's a mess. You know how close he and Gizmo were."
"Yeah," Sosa said, his voice tight. "Listen, Zu, I gotta make some calls. This ain't good. Gizmo was connected. His death's gonna cause some ripple effects."
My stomach tightened. "Sosa, you be careful. I don't want to be making funeral arrangements for my brother too."
"Always am, big sis. But on another note, I need you to swing by later, I gotta shoot a proposition to you,”
“Swing by where?”
“This Club, called Bleu. Im gon’ text you the address aight.”