"I know, baby. Breakfast almost ready," I smiled, lifting him up onto the counter. "Did Daddy help you brush your teeth?"
JJ shook his head. "Daddy watching basketball."
I sighed, trying to keep my frustration from showing. "Well, after breakfast, we gon’ get those teeth sparkling white, okay? Then we gotta get you dressed for daycare."
While JJ chattered about what his friend Malik did yesterday, I finished up breakfast, thinking about how different my life had turned out from what I'd planned. Four years ago, I was Zurie Maddox, a junior at Central State with a 3.8 GPA in BusinessManagement, on track for the corporate life my mama never thought I would reach.
Then I met Jamie Wallace at a Central State homecoming party. He was the star point guard with NBA dreams and a smile that made my panties dissolve instantly.
Back then, Jamie had goals and ambition. When he got a contract to play professional ball in Spain, we thought we had made it. I put my degree on hold, ready to follow my man overseas and live that basketball wife life. Then I got pregnant. Then Jamie blew out his knee in his third game. And just like that, the dream was over.
We came back to Chicago with our tails tucked between our legs and a baby on the way. I finished my degree online while eight months pregnant, determined that at least one of us would have something to show for ourselves. But Jamie never recovered from that injury, and it was more mental than physical. Four years later he was still talking about he was gon get back in the league.
"Breakfast is ready!" I announced, carrying plates to our small dining room table. "Jamie, come on so you can eat, the food is on the table!"
I got JJ situated with his pancakes cut into little pieces, his sippy cup of orange juice right where he liked it. Jamie finally sauntered in as I was pouring coffee, still in the same sweatpants he'd worn yesterday.
"It smells good, baby," he said, dropping a kiss on my cheek.
I wanted to be mad, but the flashbacks of old Jamie, the one who used to make my heart race, those memories still got to me sometimes. And to be honest that was my problem. I kept hoping that the man I fell in love with would make a return.
"You working today?" Jamie asked, shoving a forkful of pancakes in his mouth.
"It's Monday, ain't it? Some of us gotta earn a living," I replied, trying to keep my tone light for JJ's sake. My job as an office manager at a real estate firm wasn't glamorous, but it paid the bills.
Jamie's phone rang just as he was about to respond. He glanced at the screen, frowning.
“Whats wrong?” I asked.
"It's My mama. She don’t never call me this early. She usually sleep from her late night shift at the hospital."
"Hey, Ma. What's up?" Jamie's face instantly changed, the color draining from his skin. "What? Nah, ma, don’t tell me no shit like that. When? How?"
I grabbed JJ's attention, trying to distract him from his daddy's distress. "Baby, show me how Spider-Man uses his webs," I whispered, but my eyes were locked on Jamie.
"FUCK!" Jamie stood abruptly, knocking his chair backward. "I'm coming right now. Right now, Ma. Don't move."
He hung up, staring at the phone like it had just transformed into something alien.
"Jamie? What happened?" I asked, my heart racing.
"Gizmo," he whispered, his voice cracking. "Someone killed my brother last night. He got shot outside some gambling spot."
The news hit me like a physical blow. Gizmo Wallace, Jamie's older brother, the one who had been keeping us afloat with plenty of loans and handouts. The one who bought JJ presents when we couldn’t afford too. The one we relied on because I was too embarrassed to tell my own brother that I was struggling. Sosa wouldn’t have look down on me, but he wouldn’t hesitate to check me about laying up with a nigga who couldn’t provide.
"Oh my God," I breathed, standing to go to Jamie. "Baby, I'm so sorry."
Jamie's eyes were wild and unfocused. "I gotta get to My mama's house. She's alone. Fuck!" He punched the wall, leaving a dent in the cheap drywall.
JJ's lip started trembling. "Daddy mad?"
I scooped my son up, holding him close. "Daddy's just sad, baby. Uncle Gizmo had to go away, and it's making Daddy very sad."
"I gotta go," Jamie repeated, already heading for the bedroom to change. "My brother's dead, Zu. My fucking brother."
I followed him, with JJ trailing behind me. "I know, baby. I know. Let me call my job, I’ll tell them I can't come in. We can all go to your mom's."
Jamie shook his head, yanking a shirt over his head. "Nah. You take JJ to daycare, go to work. My mama gon’ be surrounded by family soon. It's gon be too much going on over there."