“Give me one more minute,” he said. “I’m not done standing here with you.”
I laughed softly and leaned my head against his chest. His arms came around me and we stood there at the edge of the dark water. I listened to his heartbeat under my ear and tried not to think about September. I was almost successful.
Almost.
“I… I’m really happy,” I admitted.
He went still against me. I felt the change in his breathing, the slight shift of his chest beneath my cheek. I lifted my head and looked up at him.
The vulnerability was excruciating. Becca’s voice was in my ear. She was right about just ripping that band-aid off. I didn’t want to delay the inevitable.
“I need to know something,” I said. My voice came out a little shaky. “You don’t have to answer tonight. Or tomorrow. But I need your answer soon. Okay?”
He straightened slightly, his hands dropping from my waist to settle at my hips. He was giving me his full attention.
“Okay,” he said.
I looked down at the water for just a second and gathered the strength to finish pouring my soul out. I was giving him my heart on a silver platter.
“I’ve caught feelings,” I said. “Strong ones. And before you say anything, I know that’s not exactly breaking news given last night, but I need you to understand what I mean.” I made myself look at him. “They’re exactly like they used to be. Every bit of it. Being with you, these last few weeks, it’s been making me want things I haven’t let myself think about in a really long time. Things I stopped entertaining because it hurt too much.” I pressed my lips together and held his gaze. “And I’m happy. I am genuinely, completely happy. But I’m also terrified, because I know myself, and I know that if I let myself go any further down this road without knowing what’s at the end of it, I’m going to be standing in a pile of rubble again come September.”
He hadn’t moved. His hands on my hips were completely still. There was a bit more pressure in his hold, which I wasn’t sure how to translate.
“So I need to know what your plans are,” I said quietly. “When the dust settles with Judd Mathers. When the work hereis done and the town is safe and you’ve done everything you came to do.” I swallowed. “Are you going back to Texas?”
I watched him process. He was freaking out. I saw it in his eyes. He figured staying perfectly still would make it go away. I felt the urge to fill the silence. To walk it back. To saynever mind, forget it, I was just talking.I didn’t.
He opened his mouth. Closed it again.
I managed a small smile. It wasn’t easy but I managed. I rose up onto my toes and pressed my lips to his cheek, just below his cheekbone. His stubble grazed my mouth. I stayed there for a second before pulling back.
“You have time to answer,” I told him softly. “It doesn’t need to be tonight, but as soon as you know.”
I reached down and found his hand in the dark, lacing my fingers through his. He held on immediately. Like he was making sure I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Come on,” I said. “You look like you could use a drink.”
He laughed quietly. He picked his beer up from the sand and fell into step beside me.
We walked back toward the bonfire without saying anything else. I didn’t feel the need to fill the space. I’d done the hard thing. My confession was out there. That felt terrifying and also, unexpectedly, like relief.
The fire was still going strong. Someone had added wood while we were gone. The flames were higher, throwing more light across the circle of faces. Capri spotted us the moment we came back into the glow and raised her bottle in our direction. I raised mine back. I shook my head slightly, which she understood to meanlater.
Lana was still there, standing on the far side of the fire. She didn’t know that I’d told him. I’d deal with that later. Colt’s hand moved in a slow circle at my back. I leaned into him slightly and he let me.
I was happy. I was genuinely happy and I knew it was dangerous. I didn’t care. I had done everything I could do. I’d been honest. I’d been brave. Whatever he decided, he was going to decide it knowing exactly where I stood.
The rest was in his hands now.
CHAPTER 38
COLT
We walked back slowly, neither of us in any hurry. The bonfire was well behind us, the music fading to nothing. There were only a few people lingering behind. Couples that weren’t ready to call it a night. I understood that feeling. Her shoulder was against my arm. Her sandals dangling from her fingers. I watched her feet in the wet sand and thought about everything she’d said down at the water’s edge.
The question had been sitting in my stomach like a giant pit. Hard and heavy and super uncomfortable. I wasn’t ready to answer it. That was the honest truth of it. Not because I didn’t know what I felt. I knew exactly what I felt. I’d known it since the moment I saw her seven years ago. And even when I told myself it was over, the second I stepped foot in Surfside, it was all back. That feeling had never left. And for the first time in four years, I felt whole again.
I knew exactly what I felt for her. That wasn’t the confusing part. It was what to do with all those feelings. Hers and mine. It was easy to pretend this thing we had was simple. We just operated on feelings and that was enough.