Somehow, I’m back on my feet, stumbling through the doorway to the left of me, practically crawling into the shower. Thanks to whatever in this world decided to give me a win for once, my room was upgraded at move-in to a private one with its own bathroom when there was an error with room assignments.
Tonight, I’m especially grateful.
The hot water crashes down on my head from where I remain kneeling on the cheap tile. My nails dig into my knees, then over the scars marked into my arms from over the years—anything to draw my pain to the forefront and crush the memories. New ones will distract me.
You promised,an inner voice reminds me. After hiding behind hoodies and long sleeves, Levi figured it out. He never judged me for self-harm but says it kills him a little bit each time. My cutting began back in high school, when I was sickened over Dad’s marks on me. So, I made my own.
This time, I scratch instead of finding something sharper.
It’s been months since Dad’s attack, yet no time passing has ever made his attempted assault less. No soap has washed off his touch—though I try now, dumping a large amount of my coconut-scented soap into my hand. No deep breathing has cooled the panic from that day, when I fought my hardest to get away from his drunk ass before anything actually happened, and then I ran. Ran and ran until reaching Levi’s apartment.
The door barely opens before I shove myself into the strong arms of my best friend. He wraps me up immediately and without question, tugging me into his apartment so he can shut the door. Before we move away, I reach over and lock it in case my father catches up.
“Summer, what’s wrong? What happened? Did someone hurt you?”
It’s the last question I’m able to answer, nodding into his chest, the emotion tightening my throat is too thick to speak through.
“Who?” he demands, his hands a comforting band on my hips. He’s touching where Dad did, but the power of Levi temporarily replaces that hell. My body immediately recognizes safety in Levi’s hold.
“H-he tried… I ran…”
Levi stiffens. “Your father?”
My answer could change a lot. For years, I’ve been telling Levi it’s nothing, while lying about the bruises. He’s insisted on helping, but I’ve run from the subject every single time. The same urge has me wanting to lie again, except tonight proved Dad is irredeemable.
“Yes.”
Will I ever be free from the destruction ripping me apart now that Dad is out of my life?
I rub soap over me again for a second round, then a third.
Maybe I should have slept at Levi’s tonight. His soap smells like safety. His is the only shower that doesn’t result in a breakdown since the event.
Since I didn’t take him up on his offer, I’m stuck here, burning my skin until memories fade behind the judge’s decision. The ghostly recollection of Levi’s tight grip grounds me. He knew how close I was to bolting but kept me close.
When the water cools, I step out. Chilly air washes over my damp body, reminding me where I am and where I’m not.
I go through the motions of brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed before retrieving my phone from where I dropped it when first coming into the room. Two texts wait for me.
Levi
Night, darling. I wish you were safe with me so I can spoil you with popcorn and zombie movies, but since you’re not, I’m planning our trip.
God, the trip. I’d already forgotten about it. A trip to the coast, with the ocean and a cabana away from all ofthis, sounds way too amazing to be real.
I text him back so he doesn’t worry, reporting that I showered and am heading to bed. Once he replies, I switch to the other message, this one a better balm to my breakdown.
Because hegets me.
Even if they’re the same person.
Lunar_Warden
How did today go?
Me
It was hard. He’s going to prison, but it doesn’t seem real.