When I left him.
Tears threaten as my lip wobbles. ‘But I never came back.’
My mom’s hand leaves mine to reach up and stroke my hair back from my face, resting on my cheek to soothe me. ‘But would you, if you knew he’d be there waiting for you? If he’d ran after you? Demanded you stay?’
I bite down on the inside of my lips, holding back the sob that is ready to tear through me. All I can do is nod. Because even if I didn’t realise it back then, I always knew I would come back to Sawyer. Always knew the connection we had could never truly be severed. And if he just gave it a little tug, much like he did when he offered his friendship and his home, I’d go running to him.
‘So, we wait,’ my mom declares, sinking back further into her seat and taking another sip from her mug.
‘That’s it?’
‘He said you could stay as long as you wanted, right?’ she asks, referring to his text. ‘And he’ll have seen your messages, so he knows your love still stands. He’ll have to come back eventually—this is his home, after all. So, make it yours too. Show him that you mean to stay. That you’ll be here waiting for him because you love him. No matter what.’
36
Sawyer (Flashback)
June, Senior Year
‘No footsies under the table today, Blue?’ I ask as I find Honey outside the library. With only a week left of senior year, tutoring has obviously gone out the window, but I’m still surprised not to find her waiting at our table like usual. Even if we’ve got nothing to work on anymore, we’ve been meeting every few days since prom just to spend time together after school for the last couple of weeks. It’s still studying in a way, except what I’m studying now is just how goddamn perfect Honey Goldman is. Like how she reminds me of the sun—all glittering golden hair and eyes full of bright joy. How easily I can make her chuckle and how it always rings out like silver bells. How the freckles across her cheeks remind me of the constellations that glittered above us as I held her.
Honey Goldman—my golden girl.
Her eyes flash at my comment, then check the empty hallway for people who might have heard, and I just can’t help but smirk.Let them hear, sweetheart.
Prom night changed something in me—far before I got to hold Honey’s sweet body in my arms. Sure, the dance was fun. Getting to hang with my boys and mess about to the music, while sneaking a few sips from whatever strong-ass alcohol was in Wolfman’s hipflask, was exactly what I needed to end the year. But as great as it was, even before we got there, I knew something would be missing.
Shewould be missing.
Honey might have only graced my life for the past year, but celebrating the end of high school, all the memories we’ve made, the opportunity to finally break free, didn’t feel right without her. There were nights this year when my courage was so downtrodden, that I didn’t know how I was going to make it to graduation. All I could think about was how badly I wanted just to run away, become the coward my dad has always said I was. Just like my mom. And when the thoughts of bull riding and my friends weren’t enough, it was the image of Honey that kept me going. That had me finally falling asleep, albeit often in my truck, and turning up to school the next day.
Because I knew I’d get to seeher. Someone who finally understood me—who wouldn’t cower or run away at the sight of my broken edges, because she saw herself in their reflection. Someone who handed me a few pieces of herself to try to fit me back together. To give me her strength when I didn’t have enough.
And,fuck, after that night in the back of my truck, I think I’ll have a piece of her with me forever. I’ll never forget thesoft velvet of her skin as I trailed my fingers up her thighs, or the sweet, melodic gasps she made every time I moved a little harder, or the wonder in her baby blues as she gazed up at me, delicate hands clutching my shoulders. That’s all tattooed permanently into my mind, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s been torture, knowing I can’t touch her properly again until we’ve both graduated. Until she’s free and able to leave with her mom. All I want to do is kiss her in the hallway in front of everyone. To hold her hand and show it off as we walk into homeroom together.
But I can wait. I may have never been good with patience, but I also never thought I’d find anyone worth trusting again. Anyone I truly wanted to see me. Anyone who could find a way to love me.
So, Honey’s worth it.
Besides, once we’re free of this damn school, I’ll be following her to North Carolina, where we can be with each other every day.
Once we’re standing toe to toe, her eyes instantly fall to my lips, just like they have every time we’ve met since prom night. I like to imagine each time she glances at them, memories of all the places they brushed over her body cascade through her mind.
Though, this time, her eyes quickly dart away—fromme. Not up to my eyes again, but anywhere other than where I’m standing. ‘I was actually wondering if we, um—can we talk in your truck?’
I lick my lips and nod, eager to be alone with her. To be able to touch her maybe—we could hold hands in my truck with no one seeing. I wonder if that’s why she’s asking. Hell, Idon’t care—I’d be fine with just sitting and listening to her tell me about her day.
Honey leads the way out of the school building, walking in silence to the parking lot, until we slip inside my truck.
Honey shuffles about in the passenger seat, the old leather squeaking beneath her. I angle myself so I can face her fully—I need a good position to admire her properly. Honey checks over her shoulder at the truck bed, her blonde lashes fluttering, and my body tightens at the memories that must be playing in her head. I’m not sure if being in the truck cab together alone is such a good idea …
Yet, when she turns back, there’s no bashful curve of her lips, just a knitting of her brows. I feel like I’m sitting in my truck with the Honey I spoke to back at the beginning of senior year—especially with the way her gaze is downturned again.
She fiddles with her dainty fingers in her lap. Her bottom lip is dropped, ready for words to tumble out, but each time it moves, nothing comes. I’m suddenly more aware of my heartrate quickening, the tightness of my clothes, the heat of the sun beating down through the windshield.
Something doesn’t feel right.