Let me live up to that name.
Let me prove my fear wrong.
For her. For Noah.
I roll out the tightness in my shoulders and hug Honey against my chest, letting the sweet vanilla scent of her lure me back into calmness. ‘Then stay until you find somewhere permanent, at least.’
She lets out a sigh—one of relief, my favourite kind to hear from her. ‘Okay, if you’re sure. I know having Noah here isn’t exactly what you’d—’
‘Blue, I’m gonna stop you right there.’ I shift in the tub and bring a hand up to her chin, angling her head around to me. ‘When I said I wanted to be the man you needed, I meant for youandNoah. He’s a part of you which instantly makes him important to me—and as much as it baffles me, helping out with him has given me a strange sense of purpose, I guess …’ A grin springs into my cheeks effortlessly, just from the thought of how much joy that little boy brings me. ‘Makes me smile a hell of a lot too. I’d miss him if you guys left.’
That makes Honey twist in the tub, water sploshing at the sides when she turns to straddle my lap. Her gaze glistens with hope. ‘Really?’
‘Honest, Blue.’ I cradle her jaw with both my hands, watching how silver rims her eyes even as the brightest smile takes over her.
She glances away then, swallowing thickly before returning her gaze to me. ‘I’m sorry I left before.’
‘Forget about it, Blue. It doesn’t mat—’
‘No, it does,’ she presses on, hands sliding up my chest, curling over my shoulders, as if to anchor herself to me in the heartbreak … ‘We … we should talk about this properly. We were always honest with each other and that’s what I should’ve done that day. But I got scared and I pushed you away instead. You didn’t deserve that, and I hate the idea that you thought it was because ofyou.’
Knots form in my stomach. I want to believe her, I do, but I’ve carried this heartbreak for so long, I can’t help butstill judge myself for being partially responsible. ‘You were right though—we weren’t ready to love properly then. You needed to be with someone who knew how to, someone who could give you and the kid you eventually had a stable world. Someone as golden as you shouldn’t have been wasting her time on someone tarnished like me.’
‘No—’ Honey’s freckled face crumples, hardness storming her eyes. But then something softens there, the kindest of smiles tugging at her lips. She rakes her fingers through my hair, baby blues twinkling as they scour my face, and my heart races at being under her prolonged attention. Being worthy of it. Her hand comes down to cup my jaw. ‘You’re not tarnished, Sawyer. You just need a little polishing—some love and care—to bring out your real shine.’
Her words are a remedy to my caged heart. Even more when she leans in to press her lips to mine softly—a kiss tasting entirely of hope. The kind I’ve been starved of for too long.
‘For what it’s worth,’ she whispers against my lips, forehead now touching mine. ‘I think you would’ve been a great dad if Noah had been yours.’
Fighting the smile that tries to tilt the corners of my mouth is pointless. I always loved her praise, sometimes I think I’d go to dangerous lengths to get it, but that line hit me harder than I expected.
‘You’re so good with him. He adores you—and not just because you’re a cowboy.’ She chuckles and I want to drink down the sound. Want to drown myself in this moment. ‘Seeing how good you are with him, it’s sweet … and kinda sexy.’
‘Sexy, huh?’ I perk a brow, my fingers finding the soft flesh of her hips.
‘Maybe, a little bit.’ Honey sinks her teeth into her bottom lip innocently, batting those lashes at me. I’m instantly hard, hit with the burning memories of what it felt like tofinallybe inside of her again.
‘Mmm.’ I run a hand over her wet hair, giving it a gentle tug to angle her head back so I can press a kiss to her neck. Her hips roll against me, my cock easily sliding against her centre where we’re both naked and wet.
I could fuck her right here if she let me. In fact, I think we should fuck all over the house, officially mark this place as both of ours. Much better than sitting on the sidelines at a rodeo in Arizona.
‘God, Sawyer.’ Honey lets out a breathy laugh when I grind up against her. ‘For someone with a broken leg, your stamina is nothing short of shocking. I don’t think I’ll be able to walk if we go again.’
‘’S’all good. You don’t need to walk this weekend. Can stay in bed and I’ll take care of you.’ I pepper her neck with more kisses, mind and body focused on only one thing right now—her. Hand plunging into the water, I grab my cock and run it through her centre again, lining myself up. ‘Maybe we should call your mom, tell her Noah needs to stay another couple of days.’
Honey’s hands push at my chest lightly and I immediately pull back, dropping my hands from her—just in case she’s not comfortable with the direction I was taking things.
‘Everything okay, Blue?’
‘Yeah …’ She worries her lip but closes the distance between us, fingers fanning out over my shoulders again.‘Maybe we should keep this quiet for now. I meant what I said before—I want to do this right, and I think maybe that’s better without others intervening at the start. But also, for Noah’s sake. I know he’s been making progress with his confidence, but I don’t want to ruin that with another big change so soon after the apartment.’
Without hesitation, I nod and press a soft kiss to her forehead. She could suggest anything, and I’d say yes. As long as it means I get to keep her for a while again.
‘Of course, Blue. I told you—I just want the chance to prove to you this can work. That wearemeant to be. And if that means we keep it under wraps until we’re ready, then that’s fine. I don’t wanna do anything to lose you again. I just got you back, I don’t think I’d survive another nine years without you.’
25
Honey (Flashback)