I grinned. Northerners weren’t used to the little gecko lizards that scurried everywhere in Florida. I imagined one of those two-inch lizards swimming in a toilet bowl, and pressed my lips together for a second so I wouldn’t burst out laughing. This was a welcome diversion from that jerk Tyler.
“I can help you with a lizard. What’s your address? My assistant and I will be right over. Oh, and give me your full name, too.” I didn’t want to make the same mistake as when I’d found Gene’s body.
His name was Wayne Warren, and he gave me the address of an upscale condo complex on the edge of downtown. I hung up.
Jack shook with laughter as he drove.
“You ready for your first reptile call?” I asked. “This is going to be a good one.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Wahoo Acres was the town’s most upscale gated condo community, with a golf course, three pools, and its own shopping center. Only folks fifty-five and older lived here, which meant many were snowbirds from the north. Most of the residents used golf carts to get around, and the guard at the gate in front warned us to drive slow.
“We don’t want any crashes with golf carts today,” he chided. “That happened last Tuesday when Mrs. Field was listening to Frank Sinatra on blast and she didn’t even see the two women in the golf cart pulling into the bingo parking lot.”
Jack’s expression turned to horror. “Is everyone OK?”
The guard waved his hand. “Meh. They were more upset about missing their bingo game.”
We drove into the complex and pulled up outside a two-story, salmon-colored condo building. Two Mercedes, one black, one white, sat in the driveway. They both had Maine plates.
“Normally I’d go home to get my go bag, but I don’t think I’ll need it for a little lizard,” I remarked to Jack as we walked up to the house.
The door opened before we even got a chance to knock.
“Thank God you’re here.” The woman, with short brassy red hair and a thick Maine accent, wrung her hands. “I’m Marge Warren.”
Wayne was inside. They looked like retirees out of central casting. He had on a light blue shirt printed with red hibiscus flowers, cargo shorts, black socks, and sandals. She wore a flaming red caftan and a matching turban. She was barefoot and smelled like vanilla cookies. I loved them immediately.
“It’s pretty common to have lizards inside. Sometimes they find their way into some delicate places in the house.” I smiled.
Marge fixed a steely gaze on me. “This is no common lizard, missy. This one’s wicked large.” She pronounced the word “laaaaage,” and it made me miss Boston something fierce.
I followed her down the hall, trailed by Jack and Wayne. We passed through what was likely the master bedroom, decorated with seashell motifs on the bedspread, wall hangings, and throw pillows.
She pointed to the ensuite bathroom. “I went in to use the facilities and opened the lid and that... that thing was inside.” She visibly shuddered. “Be careful when you open it. I’m afraid it will bite your face off.”
I looked to Jack, who had a curiously amused expression on his face.
“Let’s check this out,” I said in a serious tone, and he nodded.
We crept into the bathroom, which had seashell-print wallpaper. Standing as far from the toilet as possible, I reached and opened the lid slowly.
“Holy shit,” Jack shouted.
My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and I closed the lid slowly. It was no small gecko.
It was a bright green iguana, coiled and chilling in the toilet bowl. Probably three or four pounds, and from its head to the tip of its thin tail, at least two feet long.
I heard a splash of water from inside the toilet.
“How in God’s name did it get in there?” Wayne cried out. “What if it’s someone’s lost pet?”
I looked into the bedroom, where the couple stood with looks of horror on their faces.
“It’s no pet. They run wild in a lot of places in Florida. Sometimes they make their way into the plumbing. They get into roof vents. I’ve heard of this happening before, but usually in South Florida, like the Keys. They’re wily little creatures.”
“We thought it was kind of weird this morning when the toilet wouldn’t flush right,” Wayne said, as he sank onto the bed. His shoulders rounded. Florida had defeated him.